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Worthless Piece of Shit #1 (zine)
<ACK>
Worthless Piece of Shit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/~~~~~~~~\
| Issue #1 |
\________/
"Why? Why am I doing this" - My common sense
"It's good to talk (shite)" - BT's new slogan, with the slight editing by myself
"I'll phucking kill you at Def Con II, HOPE, HoHo Con, etc..."
- Another irate IRCer on channel #phreak
"Is it stinky?" - Ren and Stimpy
"Shut up butthead" - Butthead and Beavis (of course)
"Tax is one of those luxuries you don't really need" - A taxi man who I meant
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Contents
~~~~~~~~
Editorial
A letter to the establishment
Small print
Wish list
Big y0y0y0y0'z to
Uncle BooYaa's Tek-Tek Hotline
Top five shit list
Totally useless ASCII clip art
Scratch, Smell, and Lick
Where to reach us
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Editorial
~~~~~~~~~
Oh well on the Wednesday the 28th of September at 1am I started to write this
shite. Why did I start another bloody phuckin" e-Zine? Well for a start this
one has no useful A/C/H/P/V tips here, no profiles of hated government or
independent people, infact if you're lookin" for the above then phuck off and
go read your issue of 26oo and be uBer. But if you want an amusing yet bloody
useful(?) read look no further because you've come to the right place.
BooYaa
p.s. Please forgive the grammer, spelling, and general slimness of this zine.
p.p.s Shit I nearly forgot I need ASCII art (Animals, Logos, etc), Poems, Songs, Useless
programs (no warez I mean you're own work), Scanned pictures...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A letter to the establishment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear British Telecom,
Why is it when you make so much money domestically and abroad must you charge
local call rates? Could it be the fact that you have the monopoly? Why don't
you abolish this ludicrous and unpopular scheme? Are you scared that your
chairmen and executives would cry if their already high wages were to take a
cut because of this. Yes it seems that the higher echelons of the company get
very high pay packets yet engineers and operators seem to have the same average
wage as the next man. How can you not give lower bills to the United Kingdom?
I would like to see you justify you're selves? In general I hope you go the same
way as ma bell, but some how I doubt it. Why? Because you've learnt from
ma bell's mistakes right? I guess from the wording of this letter you know I
despise your company. Since there are no companies at the current moment who
are capable of knock you off the throne we'll have to use your foul services.
here a quote for you Beattie...
"They can have it in any color as long as it's black" - Mr Ford, commenting on
the release of the model T.
Yours
BooYaa
(ed - phew! got that off my chest)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Small print
~~~~~~~~~~~
Well under international copywrite laws cutting and pasting or copying any part
of this zine will seriously get you phucked up. So please don't make me get
angry. You wouldn't like to see me when I'm angry... I can feel those Gamma
rays hitting me again... I best lie down for a while. Where's me cup of tea?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Wish list
~~~~~~~~~
If y'all want I hope to release a WinWord formatted version alongside the ASCII
version, infact I might release it in various wordprocessed format if they're
people willing to help.
Add more writers, yeap I'd be mad to continue writing this zine without help.
So I need a co-editor, full time writers and obviously loads of contributions
from you the readers.
Hell since I've got Aladdin's lamp why not hope to release a Multi Media
version, the Movie, maybe even the cartoon series.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Big y0y0y0y0'z to
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UK's finest :
Alfiwalf, BaDs, Cherokee, Codex, FTB, Harl, Maelstrom, Mocara, ScoJack, Squiz
US's most wanted :
AntiChrist, Carsenio, Enigma, DeadKat, Death Wizard, Kluge, Sicko
shit, phuck it! Too tired to think of any more... Guyz just remind me when I
see ya.
Canada's least wanted (heh.. just jesting) :
Pluvius, MadHacker (is he still alive?), U4EA
Rest of the World :
Afx, HellRazor, Phaze, R-A-D, SPiN-DoC
IRC girlz:
Cyntax Era, Lady Ada, Torquie, Xymote
Special mentions go to:
CERT, CID, COMPACT, FAST, FBI, MI5, NSA, SPA (We luv all of ya!)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Uncle BooYaa's Tek-Tek Hotline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HP 550c - Questions
Q: Uncle BooYaa I just carded myself one of these cool printers and now I want
to print those GIF files of Elle "The Body" MacPhearson. The problem is the
output looks shite.
A: The problem is that you've selected the shite dithering option. Follow my
simple instructions and you'll be uBer...
1 - Click the Complex Color Printing Box
2 - Now for the big decision
Rating of the dithering options available;
Standard - Shite
Pattern - Dunno
Cluster - Nice and sharp
Scatter - The most colour, but messy looking
So it's either Cluster and Scatter.
Q: That's all very well uncle BooYaa why does the art package (GWS, Paint Brush,
etc...) say I have insufficent memory?
A: Coz they're shite programs, use one of thoses Warez titles you've been
hording like WinWord.
Then to insert a picture into the document click on the insert pull down menu,
then click on Picture.
Select the picture you want. And hey presto! You're ready to print.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Top five shit list - Scriptz (Ed - this is in no particular order)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Foolz (BoW)
2) Gargoyle (Valgamon)
3) iNFiNiTY (MiSTiK)
4) TextBox (Crypt Keeper)
5) Toolz (YaZoo)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Totally useless ASCII clip art
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well I've got some lovely little clipettes for you hope you love them.
[1] Condom #1 - Nice, strong, safe, and prevent all kinds of nasty viral
infections this and Condom #2 if installed in you're AUTOEXEC.BAT
can prevent viruses with a success rate of 99.9%!
/\
__| |__
/ \
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
(~~~~~~~~~~~~)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
[2] Condom #2 - Ready and portable, useful for people who work on many
different machines.
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| /~~~~~~~\ |
| | /~~~\ | |
| | | | | |
| | \___/ | |
| \_______/ |
|_______________|
[3] Dress me up Barbet - Yes guyz you too can dress you're own doll up. Now you
don't need to nick you're sister's doll and undress to see what it's got behind
the dress. She's waiting to forfill your every desire. Bahahahahahah
_
/~~~~~\
//|. .|\\
||| _ |||
//_ \_/ _\\
/ / \ \
| | @ @ | |
| |\___/\___/| |
| |\ /| |
\ \| |/ /
\/ () \/
| |
| \/ |
\ || /
| || |
| || |
| || |
/ /\ \
|_/ \_|
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Scratch, Smell, and Lick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well you've seen them in the magazines now... WpOs brings you Scratch,
Smell, and Lick!!!! Scratch and sniff patches for you to sample.
Instructions
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Select your chosen patch
2) Scratch the square patch
3) Smell the patch
4) Then if you wish lick the patch
___ ___ ___
| | | | | |
|___| |___| |___|
______ _____________ _____________
|Coffee| |Hagen Daz ©| |Two weeks old|
| | |Cream and | |underpants |
| | |Cookies | | |
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warning!
~~~~~~~~
It's recommend that you don't try this on a monitor as you get nasty static
shocks.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Where to reach us? (Going Schizophrenic now...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna send letters, hate mail, death threats, even contributions well here's
the iNpHo...
Internet :- [email protected]
IRC :- BooYaa on channels; #phreak, #doom, #hack, #posers, #uber
Telepathy :- Thanks John from Exeter, I just recieved the message.
<EOF>
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