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Bundy Trek
? STTNG (1:340/[email protected]) ????????????????????????????????????????? STTNG ?
Msg : 680 of 718
From : Joe Siegler 1:273/928 01 Oct 92 11:50:00
To : All 02 Oct 92 05:38:34
Subj : Bundy trek 1
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
This originally came from Compu$erve. I do not know the original author.
TNG - The Bundys Of Both Worlds:
Riker: "Mr Worf, FIRE!"
Worf: "Aye, sir." Worf pushed a button. Nothing happened. "It doesn't
seem to work, sir!"
Riker: "LaForge! Get below and figure it out - quickly! We've got to
destroy this perverted version of Picard! Commander, Wesley,
give him a hand." Shelby glared at him, but a look from Riker
swept away her objections. Geordi gave a hurried "Aye" and left
the bridge. Shelby and Wes followed him.
Riker: "Mr. Worf, let me know just as soon as the deflector is back on-line".
Worf: "Aye sir!" As Worf turned to the controls, the turbolift doors
*swoooshed* open and a man stepped out. He was in his late 30's,
starting to bald, and had a sick-and-tired look on a face that
surrounded his beak of a nose. He carried a rumpled jacket over
his shoulder, and his smelly sweat-stained shirt was sticking
halfway out of his pants. "Peee-eg! Kiiids! I'm home!" As
the bridge crew stared, dumbfounded, the door to the other
turbolift opened and a redhead ran out, her bosom heaving as she
walked hurriedly in her spiked high heels. "Oh, Al! I'm sooo
glad you're home!" Al Bundy smiled, then frowned as his wife
held out her hand. "I need $50 for a new coat I saw. Do you have
any money?" "No" Al deadpanned, "I don't have any money. Why?
Do you have some food waiting for me?" Peg Bundy laughed. "Ha
ha-ha. Ooooh, Al, you KNOW I can't make heads or tails of those
food synthesizers. I keep programming for pot roast and I keep
getting some bowl of long and slimy wormy-looking things." (Worf
licked his lips - he hadn't eaten all day) "They remind me of
you, Al." she finished.
William T. Riker was astounded at this exchange. "Who ARE you people?" he
asked. Al turned to him, sighed, and said, "NEVER marry, fuzz-face!" Riker and
Troi exchanged a glance as Bundy walked down and plotzed into the captain's
chair. He studied the face of Locutus on the main viewing screen. "Who's this
guy?"
Locutus: "I...am irrelevant. You will service...us."
Al: "Ah, stuff it." He dug around under the cushion of the captain's
chair and produced a remote control. He aimed it at the main console,
and suddenly the view of Locutus was replaced by that of Frank Gifford
doing a sports commentary. "Ah, that's better". Al put his feet up
and stuck his hand in his pants. He turned to Worf and said "Buck!
Here boy! Go fetch me my slippers!" Worf, astounded at being confused
for a Terran canine, bared his teeth and growled at Bundy.
Al: "Ah, you're no good for anything. I _knew_ I should have had that dog
neutered years ago!"
As Worf started to lunge for his throat, Dr. Beverly Crusher laid a hand on his
shoulder and indicated restraint. Bev walked over to Peg Bundy and said "We're
in the middle of a bit of a situation here, in case you didn't notice. Who ARE
you and what are you doing here right now?" Peg looked her up and down and,
staring pointedly at her hair, said "Oh, look hon, that just won't do!" Bev
self-conciously raised a hand to her coiffure. Peg, lighting a cigarette,
continued. "Look dear, just see my hairdresser, Mr. Antoine. HE'LL get that
the right shade for you." Peg turned and strutted off the bridge, leaving a
sputtering Beverly in her wake.
Worf: "NOW do you regret holding me back?"
The lift door opened once more, this time depositing a pair of teens in the
middle of an arguement. One was a sexy young blonde, which immediately drew
Riker's appreciation. The other was a smart pimply-faced boy. Beverly's heart,
of course, went out to him. The boy broke off, looked around, and said "Wow.
This isn't Chicago. Where ARE we?" he sked Data. "You are on board the United
Starship Enterprise" was Data's reply.
Bud: "Hmmm. A good start. Better fill me in on more details, though,
living a cybernetic dream, said "As you wish" Was that an evil
smile tugging at the corners of the android's mouth? "You are on
board the USS Enterprise, a Galaxy-class starship of the United
Federation of Planets. Our usual mission is to seek out new
life-forms and new civilizations, and to boldly go where no man
has gone before. However, a race of being known as the Borg are
threatening all life as we know it, and we are presently trying
to find a way to stop them from carrying out their intents. That
is difficult at present time, however, due to the fact that we..."
Kelly, the sterotypical dumb blonde, realized her head was starting
to hurt. "Thanks, bub. I think we got it." Data frowned and stopped
his monologue. Bud, with a mischievous grin on his face, turned to
Kelly and said "'Where no man has gone before', huh? Not much
chance of THAT where YOU'RE concerned, hey Kelly?" Kelly rolled
her eyes and said "Look, little boy, why don't you go shave your
palms?" "Why don't YOU go sniff Dad's underarms?" Al Bundy looked
a little miffed, but said nothing as he watched the football game.
William Riker was *still* confused. And more than a little excited, staring at
the lovely creature in the hiphugger jeans and the halter top. Staring at her
bare midriff, he walked over to Kelly and said "Well, you seem to know who WE
are. Why don't you tell us more about yourselves? Perhaps over a little drink?"
"A-HEM!" came from over in Deanna's
Continued in the next message...
* 1st 1.01 #1051s * Pardon me, do you have any Earl Grey Poupon?
--- InterPCB 1.50
* Origin: AOF II:Fido STTNG's Home. Philly, PA @ 215-742-9641 (1:273/928)
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