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Steve Gerber's rejected script for HOWARD THE DUCK
HOWARD THE DUCK #1
Script
Created & Written by
STEVE GERBER
Script Submitted:
4/11/85
MARVEL COMICS GROUP
IMPORTANT NOTICE
The text of the following script is Copyright 1985 by Steve
Gerber.
All characters appearing in the text -- with the exceptions of
CHIRREEP, POPORB, THE AROUNDER, THE WITHINER, THE AMONGER, THE
UNDERNEATHER, THE BETWEENER, and OF -- are trademarks of the
Marvel Comics Group.
That alone should deter you from attempting to copy this script
to sell for profit.
Trust me -- they'll sue.
You may, however, download this text and copy it to your heart's
content for your own use and to distribute to your friends,
neighbors, or anyone else who cares to read it (as long as you
don't charge for those copies) since it will never see
publication in comic book form.
ALL SUCH COPIES MUST INCLUDE THIS NOTICE!
Here's hoping you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.
---Steve Gerber
PAGE ONE
(1)
FULL-PAGE SPLASH: LARGE CLOSEUP OF HOWARD THE DUCK
falling straight toward the reader through some other-
dimensional space. (The backdrop should NOT be black.)
Howard's upended lower body-- NOTE: HE IS NOT WEARING
PANTS!-- and webbed feet take up most of the background, but
we see hints of some Dr. Strange-type geometric abstractions
behind him. He looks half out of his mind, eyes looking two
different directions, beak wide open, cigar perched like a
seesaw on the edge of the beak. He's grabbing the brim of
his hat with both hands, pulling it down in frustration, as
he screams straight at the reader!
HOWARD: (BURST; LETTERS OPEN FOR COLOR) WHAT IS REALITY--
HOWARD: (SAME) --AN' WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME, ANYHOW?!?
BLURB: As part of Marvel's ongoing effort to address
these and other pressing questions of our age...
SIGNATURE
LINE: STAN LEE PRESENTS:
TITLE: HOWARD THE DUCK'S SECRET CRISIS II
BLURB: A continuity-fraught TWO-PART HYPO-SERIES
destined to change the course of the Marvel
Universe for hours, perhaps days!
CREDITS:
Created & Written by Illustrated by Inking by
STEVE GERBER (ARTIST NAME) (INKER NAME)
Letterer's name, Letterer JIM SHOOTER
Colorist's name, Colorist Editor
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 2.
PAGE TWO
(1)
A ROLLED-UP NEWSPAPER lands on the porch of an ordinary suburban
house.
BLURB: It's six-thirty a.m., on what should be an
ordinary weekday morning, in an ordinary suburban
neighborhood...
(2)
SLIGHTLY LONGER SHOT: The door of the house has opened to reveal
RONALD THE DUCK-- Howard's father as portrayed in HTD BLACK &
WHITE MAGAZINE #6. He's still half-asleep, dressed in a
bathrobe, and leaning over to pick up the paper.
BLURB: ...on the dimensional plane known as DUCKWORLD.
BLURB: As is his daily routine, RONALD THE DUCK--
devoted husband, father of three-- shuffles
drowsily to the door for a breath of air and his
copy of the NEW STORK TIMES.
(3)
SLIGHTLY LONGER SHOT. A dark shadow has fallen over Ronald. He
looks up and reacts with horror to something he sees off-panel!
BLURB: He inhales deeply-- and the stench of SULFUR
assaults his lungs.
BLURB: That shocks him to wakefulness-- and to the
terrifying realization that this morning will NOT
be like any other.
(4)
WIDE ANGLE: A wedge of thick, billowing YELLOW-GREY GLOP is
spreading across the sky, blotting out the sun! At the apex of
the wedge, soaring across the sky, is a TINY (from this distance)
FIGURE ON A SURFBOARD! The glop seems to be pouring out of the
surfboard as it flies-- like exhaust fumes. On the ground,
Ronald's neighbors-- ducks, chickens, geese-- are running down
the street, screaming in terror.
BLURB: For on this morning, a billowing GLOP spreads
across the sky, choking off the sunlight...
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 3.
BLURB: ...shrouding the world in a final DARKNESS that
precedes its END.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 4.
PAGE THREE
(1)
EXT. NEW STORK CITY ROOFTOP - WIDE ANGLE
FEATURING DUCKTOR STRANGE and TRUMAN CAPOULTRY (also from HTD B&W
#6) gaze up at the glop, which is spreading across the sky here,
too. Strange holds a bottle of booze in one hand and waves the
other in a tremulous mystical gesture, trying to conjure the
stuff away. Capoultry screams at him to try harder.
BLURB: Some miles away, on a New Stork City rooftop,
DUCKTOR STRANGE, master of the mystic arts, and
author TRUMAN CAPOULTRY also observe the
phenomenon.
CAPOULTRY: Try another THPELL, Thtrange! The glop'th thtill
THPREADING!
STRANGE: =hic= By the RIPPLED RINGSH OF HUMIDOR, I =hic=
banish you, glop!!
VOICE: (OFF-PANEL) Alas, feathered one, mere sorcery
could not stop these events-- even if you were
SOBER.
(2)
Angle past Strange and Capoultry to THE THROWAWAY. He's be- hind
them, floating down to the rooftop, legs together, arms folded
over his chest, eyes staring blankly as if entranced. Strange and
Capoultry are whirling around to look at him.
He wears a long flowing cloak-- it would be floor-length if he
were standing on a floor-- that wraps completely around him, and
a cowl that conceals his face completely. Only his GLOWING EYES
are visible in the shadow of the cowl.
THROWAWAY: The CONSUMPTION of your world was ordained by a
far greater power--
CAPOULTRY: My goodneth! A HAIRLETH APE!
THROWAWAY: --greater even than the one who shall EAT your
planet.
(3)
The Throwaway, still hovering just above the roof, points skyward
dramatically. Capoultry and Strange gape up at him.
THROWAWAY: For yon glop, as you call it, is merely the GRAVY
on the feast--
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 5.
THROWAWAY: --ladelled across your sky by him who wields the
POWER SULFURIC.
STRANGE & CAPOULTRY: (TWO POINTERS FROM BALLOON) WHO--??
(4)
Wide angle shot of roof. THE SULFUR SURFER-- grimy black from
head to toe, but otherwise resembling the Silver Surfer-- shoots
across panel on his surfboard, trailing a cloud of emissions
behind him. Strange and Capoultry are covered with the stuff.
It never touches Throwaway, who gestures at the Surfer like a
ringmaster introducing an act.
THROWAWAY: BEHOLD-- men call him THE SULFUR SURFER--
THROWAWAY: --but he is "HAROLD" to GALACTONGUE!
(5)
Small panel. Capoultry and Strange, blackened with sulfur
emissions, stare awestruck at the off-panel Throwaway.
CAPOULTRY: There'th NOTHING we can do-- we're DOOMED?!
THROWAWAY: (OFF-PANEL) Not "we"-- YOU. I cannot die.
(6)
Small panel. Throwaway reaches melodramatically up to take hold
of his cowl, preparing to pull it back.
THROWAWAY: For I am...THROWAWAY, he who is disposed to
WHINE.
THROWAWAY: Such is my fate. As your world and infinite
others meet their destruction, I shall bear
helpless witness to the horror...
(7)
Small panel. Tight closeup on Throwaway. He pulls back his
cloak, revealing a face that looks like a demented CABBAGE PATCH
DOLL. His glowing eyes bulge almost out of their sockets, and
his features are frozen in an expression of revulsion-- as if
someone had shoved a rotten banana up his nose.
THROWAWAY: ...and go "ewwwwgh."
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 6.
PAGE FOUR
(1)
THE RONALD DUCK FAMILY
Ronald, his wife HENRIETTA, and his children THERESA and ORVILLE,
huddle together on the porch, in the darkness, as the end comes.
BLURB: Back in suburbia, Ronald hugs Henrietta and the
children close to him.
BLURB: And in these last moments, his thoughts turn
sadly to his MISSING son, to HOWARD, whom he will
never see again.
(2)
DUCKTOR STRANGE & TRUMAN CAPOULTRY
Strange holds his bottle straight up, pouring the last of its
contents into his mouth, oblivious to Capoultry, who is diving
over the edge of the roof. We see Throwaway's boots near top of
panel as he floats away again.
BLURB: Strange prepares for the coming ingurgitation
with an APERITIF...
BLURB: ...while Capoultry seizes back the power of life
and death from his would-be destroyer's hands.
(3)
LARGER PANEL - DUCKWORLD SEEN FROM SPACE
In foreground, the Sulfur Surfer zips away from the planet--
which is now engulfed in glop, like a gooey bonbon. Hovering
hungrily AROUND the planet is a pair of GIGANTIC RUBY-RED LIPS.
A HUGE TONGUE extends out from the lips and UNDER the planet,
ABOUT TO SLURP IT UP! (Picture a cosmic version of the old
Rolling Stones Records logo.)
BLURB: The predator, however, has no hands. In every
sense of the word, it is ALL MOUTH.
SURFER: Your supper, GALACTONGUE.
GALACTONGUE: Thank you, Harold.
(4)
SAME ANGLE: BUT NOW THE PLANET IS GONE AND THE TONGUE IS SMACKING
THE GRINNING RUBY LIPS!
SFX: (AT LEFT OF LIPS) =SLURRRP=
SFX: (AT RIGHT OF LIPS) =SMMAAKK=
GALACTONGUE: Mm-MMM! Dee-lish!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 7.
VOICE: (OFF-PANEL; BURST; CONNECT TO FOLLOWING BALLOON)
NO-- NOT AGAIN!!
VOICE: (POINTER TO BOTTOM OF PANEL) That's the 47th
scenario-- and every time, DUCKWORLD DIES!!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 8.
PAGE FIVE
(1)
EXT. DESOLATE VALLEY ON PLANET KRYLOR - A MULTI-DOMED STONE
STRUCTURE - NIGHT
The structure rests on the floor of the otherwise deserted
valley. The structure looks primitive and futuristic all at
once. It has one large rough hewn stone dome (not in the center)
and several smaller domes attached to it by short stone tunnels.
The structure should in no way look symmetrical. The floor of
the valley is dull and grey-- volcanic ash.
BLURB: The VALLEY OF ASHES, on the planet KRYLOR: home
of CHIRREEP, techno-artist in EXILE.
VOICE: (FROM INSIDE MAIN DOME) Mass destruction is a
DOWNER! People don't want to SEE downers!
VOICE: Why do you keep feeding the same VIDSTREAM into
the FICTIONATOR?
(2)
INT. MAIN DOME - WIDE ANGLE FEATURING CHIRREEP--
--A KRYLORIAN TECHNO-ARTIST like BEREET [see INCREDIBLE HULK
#269-287 and MARVEL UNIVERSE HANDBOOK #6, pg. 31 for reference],
but not nearly as successful. The main dome of this structure is
her studio.
Chirreep is a Krylorian Cyndi Lauper-- cute, but weird: rising
from the very center of her head is a blue, spiky, feather plume,
at least two feet high; she wears a one-piece sarong-like garment
that sits on her hips at a provocative angle, much higher on one
side than the other; on the more exposed leg, she wears a boot
that comes up over her knee; on the less exposed leg, she wears
an ankle-high boot and striped leotard-type legging.
She's seated at the Krylorian equivalent of a movieola. Instead
of a screen, it has a multi-faceted gem about the size of a
basketball. Hovering over the gem is one of Chirreep's
techno-art creations, called POPORB-- essentially a giant
floating eye with long lashes and heavy mascara. A beam from the
eye is aiming into the gem, and in the facets of the gem, we see
scenes from the previous three pages-- the destruction of
Duckworld.
Chirreep looks angry and frightened, as she waves her arms at the
Poporb.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 9.
CHIRREEP: What's WRONG with you, Poporb? Why are you
outputting TRAGEDY, when I programmed you for
FARCE?
CHIRREEP: You can't even get a SENSOR-FIX on the STAR of
this movie I'm allegedly making!
(2)
The Poporb sadly closes its lid. There's nothing it can do.
CHIRREEP: How am I supposed to create another "Howard the
Duck" TECHNO-FICTION*--
CHIRREEP: --without inputting HOWARD?
BLURB: *Chirreep's earlier "techno-fictions" appeared in
HOWARD THE DUCK MAGAZINE #1-9 and BIZARRE
ADVENTURES #34.--J.S.
(3)
Chirreep gets up from the movieola, wringing her hands, now
looking very worried and agitated.
CHIRREEP: Don't you understand? I've lost my AUDIENCE!
They HATE my recent work!
CHIRREEP: Techno-art can MOCK our complacent society, as
BEREET did in her HULK movies*...but I went too
FAR!
CHIRREEP: In "VOID LEMON," I tried to say we practice a
PASSIVE form of violence-- and I provoked
Krylor's first MASS RIOT!
BLURB: *See HULK #269.--J.S.
(4)
Chirreep whirls around, reacts in shock to something she sees
off-panel.
CHIRREEP: I need a HIT-- another "MALTESE COCKROACH"--
another "CRASH OF '79!"--
CHIRREEP: --or my career is FINISHED!
VOICE: (OFF-PANEL) It's TOO LATE, Chirreep.
(5)
Looking past Chirreep, who has frozen in fear, we see THREE
KRYLORIAN ART POLICE standing in the door of the main dome,
pointing odd weapons-- they look like flit-gun-type bug
sprayers-- at her. Their uniforms look like they were borrowed
from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
1ST POLICE: Your techno-artistic license has been REVOKED.
2ND POLICE: You and your "Poporb" are hereby summoned to
appear before the COMMISSION.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 10.
PAGE SIX
(1)
EXT. KRYLORIAN CAPITAL CITY - WIDE ANGLE TO ESTABLISH
The art police craft carrying Chirreep-- it's an open-topped
saucerlike vehicle-- flies toward one of the tallest build-
ings in the city. The Poporb flies behind it.
BLURB: In mere moments, the KAPS'* transport whisks
Chirreep from her lonely valley to the bustling
planetary capital of PLAISIIR--
BLURB: --seat of the august ENTERTAINMENT STANDARDS
COMMISSION--
BLURB: *Krylorian Art Police.--JS
(2)
INT. COMMISSION HEARING ROOM - LARGE PANEL
The layout of the room definitely suggests a court of law. The
design is something else altogether: the commissioners are also
techno-artists, and the decor reflects this. E.g., the front
panel of the judges' bench is sculpted into the huge, glowering
face of gargoyle.
The THREE COMMISSIONERS-- bald, like all Krylorian males-- wear
judicial-type robes, decorated with odd, alien patterns. Each
wears a different sculpted helmet: one resembles a Rolls Royce
hood ornament, another a glittering metallic moose antlers, the
third a ziggurat. They look simultaneously imperious and
ridiculous.
SKEEB, the one with the antlers, is the presiding commissioner.
He stands between the other two, who are seated.
The defendant (Chirreep) sits facing the bench in a transparent
hovering globe, with one section sliced out for a seat.
BLURB: --the honorable techno-master SKEEB presiding.
SKEEB: The members of this commission fondly recall your
EARLY work, Chirreep-- so we have striven to be
LENIENT with you.
SKEEB: Even after the "Void Lemon" incident, we limited
your punishment to EXILE.
SKEEB: But now a far GRAVER charge has been leveled
against you.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 11.
(3)
On the stern-faced commissioners. Skeeb is standing, leaning
over the bench, accusing Chirreep.
SKEEB: You are accused of employing forbidden
materials-- specifically, SHADOW MATTER-- in the
construction of your POPORB.
SKEEB: Is this TRUE, Chirreep?
(4)
Small panel. Chirreep looks pleadingly at the commissioners.
CHIRREEP: Shadow matter enabled the Poporb to probe OTHER
DIMENSIONS for inspiration.
CHIRREEP: The "Howard" series could never have been MADE
without--
(5)
Small panel. Tight closeup of Skeeb. He's taken on the aspect
of a hangin' judge.
SKEEB: Speak no more. Your rash irresponsibility has
precipitated a DISASTER--
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 12.
PAGE SEVEN
(1)
START OF 3-PANEL SEQUENCE: At left of panel is Skeeb's face, as
he narrates the following. The rest of the panel shows several
spiral galaxies swirling in space. Each galaxy is accompanied by
a half-resolved doppelganger of itself, like a TV "ghost" image.
BLURB: (SKEEB SPEAKING) "--a calamity of COSMIC
proportions.
BLURB: "For some time, our scientists have noted a
peculiar VIBRATION across the space-time
continuum which produced an odd IMAGE-DOUBLING
EFFECT on our instruments.
(2)
The same scene in space-- except that now the "ghost" images and
the actual galaxies have moved much farther apart.
BLURB: "We did not realize, until NOW, that this was no
illusion-- that all of EXISTENCE was in fact
LOSING SUBSTANCE--
BLURB: "--REDISTRIBUTING its matter to form a SHADOW of
itself.
(3)
On one side of the panel, we see the swirling galaxies as in
panel one. Down the center of the panel is a ragged-edged rift,
as if the panel had been torn in two. On the other side, now
completely independent of the original galaxies, the
doppelgangers swirl through the space of an entirely other
universe. The rift itself is occupied by various abstract
geometric shapes against a solid-color (but not black) backdrop.
BLURB: "The vibratory stimulation of the Poporb's
trans-dimensional probing has brought into being
A SECOND MULTIVERSE-- with its own COSMIC AXIS--
BLURB: "--where your 'movies' ACTUALLY OCCURRED!"
(4)
Chirreep is leaning forward, almost tipping out of her witness
chair, stunned at this revelation.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 13.
SKEEB: (OFF-PANEL) Moreover, certain of your
"characters" may have suffered a
SPACE-TIME-DISPLACEMENT--
SKEEB: --which divorced them from ANY reality apart from
your films!
CHIRREEP: That's why I can't locate HOWARD--?
(5)
Angle across Chirreep to the commissioners, who nod grimly.
SKEEB: Precisely-- for, at the moment, he exists in
NEITHER COSMOS!
SKEEB: He is STRANDED in the rift which divides the
shadow reality from our own.
CHIRREEP: Trapped. In a rift he never made.
CHIRREEP: What are we going to DO?
(6)
Angle on Skeeb, who shakes his head in typical Krylorian
resignation to the inevitable.
SKEEB: Accustom ourselves to life in a THINNER universe,
for one thing--
SKEEB: --and for another, PUNISH the entities
RESPONSIBLE for this catastrophe.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 14.
PAGE EIGHT
(1)
INT. A GLOOMY PRISON CELL far below the city. Chirreep sits
hunkered over on a little stool, sobbing. The Poporb hovers
above her, half-open, a tear about to fall from it.
BLURB: Shortly, far below the city...
CHIRREEP: They don't know the WORST of it, Poporb.
CHIRREEP: The destruction of Duckworld must have been REAL,
also-- and I almost surely unleashed the menace
that CAUSED it!
(2)
Down angle on Chirreep as she looks up at Poporb with a
horrifying realization:
CHIRREEP: Throwaway said it was a power even greater than
Galactongue!
CHIRREEP: What if it goes on to destroy OTHER worlds-- or
that whole other MULTIVERSE, or--
(3)
Chirreep stands suddenly, startled at where her reasoning has led
her.
CHIRREEP: (BURST) --OR BOTH MULTIVERSES?!
CHIRREEP: And what if the two are LINKED somehow? The
whole of EXISTENCE could be eradicated--
CHIRREEP: --while Krylor's over-entertained populace CURLS
UP and accepts the "inevitable!"
(4)
Close on Chirreep, clenching both fists. She's made up her mind
to do something.
CHIRREEP: I CAN'T let it happen! I WON'T go down in a
history that will never be written as--
CHIRREEP: --THE WOMAN WHO WIPED OUT THE UNIVERSE!
(5)
She turns to Poporb, strokes its lid gently, almost hypnotically.
Its iris and pupil gleam with energy.
CHIRREEP: We're going to create a NEW techno-fiction,
Poporb-- just as REAL the others.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 15.
CHIRREEP: It's about how CHIRREEP suddenly VANISHED from
her prison cell, on a mission to save reality--
(6)
Both Chirreep and Poporb vanish in a crackling flash of energy!
CHIRREEP: (OPEN-ENDED POINTER, TO THE FLASH OF ENERGY)
--and repay a DEBT to a web-footed friend.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 16.
PAGE NINE
(1)
THE RIFT BETWEEN MULTIVERSES: We can see the ragged black edges
of the multiverses on either side of panel. In f.g., two
abstract geometric forms, a helix and a pinwheel, are locked
together like a couple of clothes hangers, circling each other
perpetually, going nowhere. In b.g., we see a small shape
tumbling toward us. We can't see yet what it is.
BLURB: At the distant reaches of two multiverses, in the
rift between existences...
(2)
SAME SCENE: But now the geometric forms are moving out of panel,
toward the left, and tumbling figure is a little closer. We can
just barely make out arms and legs-- and webbed feet.
BLURB: ...two geometric solids dance a perpetual pas de
deux, chasing one another's logic into
eternity...
(3)
SAME SCENE: But now the geometric forms have moved almost
entirely out of panel to the left-- and the FRONT END OF A DODGE
WINNEBAGO is entering the panel from the right! We can see now,
in a bit of detail, that the tumbling figure is HOWARD THE DUCK,
wearing the same whacked-out expression as on the splash page.
BLURB: ...unseen by living eyes, inaccessible to
tourists...
(4)
WIDE ANGLE - THE SIDE OF THE WINNEBAGO: Howard slams into it
broadside, to the left of the coach door.
BLURB: ...until now.
SFX: BWHOMPH!
HOWARD: (BURST; LETTERS OPEN FOR COLOR) =WAAAUGHH!!!=
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 17.
PAGES TEN & ELEVEN
DOUBLE-PAGE SPREAD
ARRANGED AS TWO TIERS OF PANELS THAT READ ACROSS BOTH PAGES; FIVE
PANELS ON TOP TIER, THREE ON BOTTOM. FOR CLARITY, MAYBE SEPARATE
TOP TIER OF PANELS WITH THIN, SOLID BLACK GUTTERS; USE STANDARD
OPEN GUTTER TO SEPARATE TOP TIER FROM BOTTOM.
(1)
The door of the Winnebago flies open to the left, squashing
Howard against the side of the vehicle. (Only his webbed feet
are visible, hanging out from under the door.) Framed in the
doorway is the WHITE-HAIRED, WHITE-SUITED ANGEL from the Howard
story in BIZARRE ADVENTURES #34. (Henceforth, we'll call him
ANDY, because he bears a strong resemblance to Andy Warhol.)
SFX: (DOOR SQUASHING HOWARD) THWAPP
HOWARD: (FROM BEHIND DOOR; LOWER CASE LETTERS) =auuuuu=
ANDY: HOWARD?-- Howard, is that YOU?!--
(2)
Angle past Andy to the edge of the door: Howard's head pokes
around it. His cigar is smashed. He looks like he could commit
murder.
HOWARD: I dunno who you ARE, snowcap...or how you knew my
NAME...
HOWARD: ...an' to be totally HONEST, I don't really give
a plywood pluck.
HOWARD: You, on the other hand, should be aware--
(3)
INT. WINNEBAGO: Andy reels backward into the coach, propelled by
a furious Howard, who has leaped on him and whose gloved hands
are locked around the angel's throat!
HOWARD: --that if you don't have a box o' CIGARS in this
clunker, you're DEAD MEAT!
ANDY: But-- but, Howard-- you can't kill ME!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 18.
(4)
Angle past How to Andy. Andy is bent back over the stove of the
Winnebago coach with the Duck perched on his chest. How still
has one hand around Andy's throat. The other is balled up in a
fist, poised to sock him.
ANDY: I'm ALREADY DEAD! You know that!
ANDY: I'm an ANGEL!
HOWARD: No kiddin'! Well, in that case, this won't hurt
a BIT, will it?
(5)
How stops his punch just before it connect. His head whips
around to look off-panel, reacting to a voice. His beak is
dropping open. He's appalled at what he sees.
VOICE: (OFF-PANEL) DESIST, friend duck! The seraphim
ANDY speaks the TRUTH! And I should know--
HOWARD: (LOWER-CASE LETTERING) =waa-uurgh=
(6)
LARGE PANEL: WIDE SHOT OF THE WINNEBAGO'S INTERIOR. Now we--
and Howard-- see that there are OTHERS aboard. In fact, the
place is packed with a strange array of characters from Howard's
past(s): DAKIMH THE SORCERER, his apprentice JENNIFER KALE, and
KORREK THE BARBARIAN (HTD color comic #22-23); MAN-THING;
mechanic CLAUDE STARKOWSKI (HTD color comic #30-31); MASTER
C'HAAJ (kung fu master from HTD color comic #3); and HEMLOCK
SHOALS (detective caterpillar; HTD b&w magazine #4).
Dakimh should be standing. Man-Thing would hunched over, too
tall for the RV's ceiling to accommodate. Claude might be trying
to fix a lamp or something. Arrange the others interestingly on
the can the Winnebago's sofas, bunks, etc.
Howard is still standing on Andy's chest, gaping at the others in
unconcealed disgust.
DAKIMH: --for I, DAKIMH THE SORCERER-- or rather, his
GHOST-- am also numbered among the departed!
BLURB: With a LUMP in his throat-- brought on by sudden,
severe NAUSEA-- Howard scans the recreational
vehicle's weird assemblage:
BLURB: (NEAR JENNIFER) JENNIFER KALE, Dakimh's
protege...
BLURB: (NEAR KORREK) ...KORREK, barbarian prince of
Katharta...
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 19.
BLURB: (NEAR MANNY) ...the macabre MAN-THING, murk-
dweller of the Florida swamps...
BLURB: (NEAR CLAUDE AND C'HAAJ) ...mechanic CLAUDE
STARKOWSKI and martial arts entrepreneur MASTER
C'HAAJ, both of Cleveland, Ohio...
BLURB: (NEAR SHOALS) ...and, finally, a CATERPILLAR the
duck has never seen before in his life!
HOWARD: Gimme strength...!
(7)
Medium-closeup of Howard. He slumps into a pose of futility.
HOWARD: Better yet, tell me what I'm doin' in a
Winnebago, nine billion light years from
NOWHERE--
HOWARD: --with a gaggle of FLAMING LOONIES I never wanted
to SEE again--
(8)
Medium-closeup of Hemlock at one of the RV's windows. He's
pointing, indicating something he sees outside.
HOWARD: --plus two I've never even MET!
HEMLOCK: All in good time, Howard. For the nonce, a more
URGENT matter has arisen.
HEMLOCK: It would appear that we are no longer the ONLY
sojourners in this cosmic outback.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 20.
PAGE TWELVE
(1)
EXT. IN THE RIFT: LONG SHOT OF A GIANT FIRE HYDRANT with windows
around its dome-shaped bonnet and in its operating nut, so that
it looks a bit like a space-station. We see the Winnebago far,
far in the background.
CLAUDE: (FROM WINNEBAGO) Sunuvagun-- FIRE HYDRANT at four
o'clock!
DAKIMH: (SAME) No, Claude. Like our "R.V.", it is an
artificial CONSTRUCT, crafted to RESEMBLE a
common object.
(2)
INSET PANEL: closeup of Dakimh, touching his fingertips to his
temples, concentrating.
DAKIMH: A moment, please. I wish to determine who is
aboard...!
(3)
INT. BONNET OF FIRE HYDRANT: In this gigantic domed structure,
which looks like the inside of a spaceship, we find an assemblage
of Howard's arch-foes, all pounding, hitting, kicking, or
throwing magical bolts at one another-- each assuming that all
the others are responsible for his or her being here.
Through one of the hydrant's huge windows, we see the Winnebago
floating far in b.g.
The villains are:
1) PRO-RATA (HTD color comic #1);
2-6) DR. ANGST, BLACK HOLE, SITTING BULLSEYE, TILLIE THE HUN, and
THE SPANKER (MARVEL TREASURY EDITION #12);
7) LE BEAVER (HTD color comic #9);
8) KONG LOMERATE (HTD color comic #10 and b&w magazine #7);
9) DOCTOR BONG (HTD color comic #15, et al.);
10) BERSERK JOE (HTD color comic #22-23);
11) JACKPOT (HTD b&w #1);
12) WALLY SIDNEY (HTD b&w #2);
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 21.
13) GREEDY KILLERWATT (HTD b&w #3);
14-17) JOKESTER, PUFFIN, QUIZLING, and THE MALLER (HTD b&w #8);
18) THE NEW BLACK TALON (HTD b&w #9).
DR. BONG stands apart from the conflict, AT LEFT OF PANEL,
hitting himself in the head with his clapper-arm, trying to get
the attention of the others. SPANKER is near CENTER OF PANEL,
sitting on something, with WALLY SIDNEY draped over his lap; he's
spanking Wally with his paddle. DR. ANGST is stationed AT RIGHT
OF PANEL, conjuring a GIANT RUNNING SHOE in the air above the
combatants.
DAKIMH: (POINTER TO WINNEBAGO) I sense EIGHTEEN
ENTITIES-- spanning a veritable spectrum of
MALEVOLENCE--
DAKIMH: (CONNECT TO PREVIOUS BALLOON) --from the merely
NASTY to the WANTONLY VIOLENT.
BONG: STOP this senseless brawling-- at once! DOCTOR
BONG demands it!
SPANKER: That's what YOU say, doc! But I-- THE SPANKER--
want a SECOND OPINION!
ANGST: Very well! I-- DOCTOR ANGST, master of mun- dane
mysticism-- CONCUR with Doctor Bong!
ANGST: Now cut it out, or I'll JOG all over you!
SFX: (BONG'S CLAPPER HITTING BELL) BONNNNG
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 22.
PAGE THIRTEEN
(1)
INT. WINNEBAGO: Angle across Dakimh to Howard. Dakimh is
removing his fingertips from his temples, turning to How-- who
throws up his hands and turns on his heel to walk away.
DAKIMH: Apart from their EVIL, they seem to have little
in common--
DAKIMH: --except that they ALL want Howard DEAD.
HOWARD: NATURALLY!
(2)
Howard is at the door of the Winnebago coach, starting to open
it.
HOWARD: EVERYBODY wants me dead! In some species, it's
an INBORN INSTINCT!
HOWARD: Look, guys-- no offense, but I'm jumpin' ship. I
was actually gettin' to LIKE it out there--
(3)
EXT. WINNEBAGO: TIGHT SHOT OF DOORWAY as Howard flings the door
open-- and stops cold, his beak dropping open, stunned.
HOWARD: --and besides, even if you're dead, you'll lead
happier, longer lives if I'm not--
HOWARD: (STAGGERED, LOWER-CASE LETTERS) =wurrrgh=
VOICE: (OFF-PANEL) So, Howard, we meet AGAIN--
(4)
Angle over How's shoulder out the door-- to CHIRREEP, sit- ting
calmly in "space", with the POPORB floating at her own shoulder.
CHIRREEP: --for the FIRST TIME.
HOWARD: Why...you're a featherless, hairless bird-ape
hybrid, aren't you?
HOWARD: Hi, there.
HOWARD: I'm a deeply disturbed duck.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 23.
(5)
Howard backs back into the Winnebago coach. Chirreep and the
Poporb also step inside.
HOWARD: I must be disturbed. Otherwise, I wouldn't think
I was seeing YOU.
CHIRREEP: I understand your distress, Howard-- but I am no
DELUSION.
CHIRREEP: Intelligent life on my planet simply evolved
DIFFERENTLY than on earth-- or DUCKWORLD.
(6)
TIGHT SHOT OF HOWARD: SEEN ONLY FROM THE WAIST UP. Double image
of his head looking first at off-panel Chirreep, then down at his
lower body-- in horror.
HOWARD: "Duckworld?" What's that-- a THEME PARK?
HOWARD: WAIT-- what's HAPPENIN' to me?
HOWARD: =waaaugh= I-- I'm-- CHANGING--
(7)
FULL SHOT: Howard looks down, gasps. Inexplicably, he is
now wearing pants!
HOWARD: --CLOTHES!! I've got PANTS ON!!
CLAUDE: Never mind THAT, Howie--
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 24.
PAGE FOURTEEN
(1)
Small panel: Claude and the others, at the window of the
Winnebago. Claude is motioning for How to join them.
CLAUDE: --take a gander at what's goin' on OUTSIDE!
(2)
LARGE PANEL: Outside, Galactongue has appeared in the rift,
hovering far above both the Winnebago and the fire hydrant. His
ruby-red lips are disgorging a FLOODTIDE OF STARS into the
emptiness. The Sulfur Surfer flies an elaborate pattern of
swoops and dives around the falling stars.
CHIRREEP: (FROM R.V.) It's GALACTONGUE! He's disgorging an
entire GALAXY into the rift!
HOWARD: (FROM R.V.) Maybe his eyes were bigger than his
stomach.
CHIRREEP: (FROM R.V.) He doesn't HAVE eyes. HAROLD-- that
sulfurous being-- is his eyes.
HOWARD: (FROM R.V.) He's got a seeing-eye SURFER--?!
(3)
Small panel: looking through the window of the Winnebago at
Claude and Hemlock. Claude literally has his nose pressed
against the glass.
CLAUDE: Gee, Hemlock, I seen stuff like this at the
MOVIES lotsa times--
(4)
LARGE PANEL: Outside, as the Sulfur Surfer leads Galactongue
away, the newly transplanted galaxy is IMPLODING at incredible
velocity, all of the stars rushing together to form a vast,
glittering, towering...something.
CLAUDE: (FROM R.V.) --but I never figgered I'd get to see
a galaxy implode IN PERSON!
CLAUDE: (CONNECT TO PREVIOUS BALLOON) Did YOU?
HEMLOCK: (FROM R.V.) Hardly, Claude.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 25.
PAGE FIFTEEN
(1)
LARGE PANEL: The imploding galaxy has formed a planet-- with one
unbelievably tall structure sticking straight up from its surface
and rising past the top of the panel into the rift-space. IT'S
AN OFFICE BUILDING-- A GLEAMING TOWER TENS OF THOUSANDS OF MILES
HIGH, WITH ODD PROTRUSIONS (WINGS) STICKING OUT FROM THE BUILDING
WITH NO VISIBLE MEANS OF SUPPORT. An enormous banner, hung
across the side of the building, reads: RETAIL AND OFFICE SPACE
AVAILABLE FOR LEASE.
FIVE COMET-LIKE FLARES-- one noticeably SMALLER than the other
four-- are streaking away outward from various points on the
structure, headed toward the Winnebago and the fire hydrant--
both of which are traveling toward the planet at incredible
velocity.
JENNIFER: (FROM R.V.) Dakimh-- it's formed a NEW PLANET--
and an OFFICE BUILDING!
JENNIFER: And we're falling straight TOWARD it!
DAKIMH: (FROM R.V.) Aye, Jennifer-- but I am MORE
concerned with the objects now streaking toward
US.
(2)
WIDE ANGLE, SMALL PANEL: Three of the comet-like flares
(including the smallest one) strike the Winnebago. The other two
strike the fire hydrant. Both "constructs" GLOW.
BLURB: An instant later, the mysterious flares IMPACT...
(3)
"SPLIT-SCREEN PANEL" - INT. WINNEBAGO AT LEFT, INT. FIRE HYDRANT
DOME AT RIGHT. Both are bathed in blinding light that washes the
panel virtually into black-and-white, and "breaks up" the
characters' outlines, so that we can't see them clearly.
BLURB: ...to no apparent effect, other than
pyrotechnics, until:
VOICES: (FIVE POINTERS FROM BALLOON, THREE TO WINNEBAGO,
TWO TO FIRE HYDRANT; WAVY BALLOON SHAPE;
STAGGERED LETTERS) HALLO-O-O-O!
HOWARD & BONG: (BURST; TWO POINTERS) WHO SAID THAT--?!?
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 26.
PAGE SIXTEEN
(1)
INT. FIRE HYDRANT: Suddenly, a strange, gooey, MOLASSES-LIKE MASS
WITH A HUMAN FACE starts to flow out from among the villains.
Worse: it talks!
MOLASSES
THING: (WAVY BALLOON; STAGGERED LETTERS) I am from
among. I am the AMONGER.
PRO-RATA: By the stellar spreadsheet-- what IS it?!
(2)
INT. WINNEBAGO: Much to Chirreep's horror, a huge coil,
resembling A SLINKY TOY WITH A HUMAN FACE ON ONE END, is
unwinding itself snakelike from around her legs.
COIL: (WAVY BALLOON; STAGGERED LETTERS) I am from
around. I am the AROUNDER.
CHIRREEP: Yes...yes, I can SEE that.
(3)
INT. FIRE HYDRANT: A FLAT, ALMOST TWO-DIMENSIONAL FIGURE THAT
LOOKS LIKE A STICK OF GUM WITH A HUMAN HEAD slithers out from
under Kong Lomerate's foot, startling the big ape half out of his
skin!
PAPER MAN: (WAVY BALLOON; STAGGERED LETTERS) I am from
underneath. I am the UNDERNEATHER.
KONG: =ARROOORRGH=
(4)
INT. WINNEBAGO: Out of Howard's wide-open beak comes a BOUNCING
BALL WITH LITTLE ARMS, LITTLE LEGS, AND A HAPPY FACE PAINTED ON
ITS SPHEROID SURFACE.
BALL: (WAVY BALLOON; STAGGERED LETTERS) I am from
within. I am the WITHINER.
(5)
Up-angle past Claude to the ceiling of the Winnebago. A STRANGE
LITTLE MAN IS SWINGING BY HIS NECK FROM A NOOSE ATTACHED TO THE
CEILING. He reaches down and Claude, utterly bewildered, shakes
his little doll-like hand.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 27.
LITTLE MAN: You can just call me..."OF."
CLAUDE: Uh-huh...pleased to meetcha.
(6)
EXT. THE WINNEBAGO AND THE FIRE HYDRANT: A voice speaks to them
from the empty space between the two "constructs."
VOICE: (WAVY BALLOON; STAGGERED LETTERING; NO POINTER)
And I am from...between! Together, we six
comprise...
VOICE: (SAME) ...THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL PREPOSITIONS.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 28.
PAGE SEVENTEEN
(1)
Angle past the two hurtling constructs to the office tower. Both
are on a collision course with the tower. One will strike near
the top, the other near the bottom of the enormous structure.
BETWEENER: Play both ends against the middle, and all you
desire shall be yours!
BETWEENER: Nothing you dream of is impossible for me to
accomplish!
(2)
The Winnebago and the fire hydrant strike the side of the
building-- and seem to dissolve away, their matter dissolving
into crackles of energy and being tossed back into the rift. The
hydrant strikes the building several stories ABOVE the Winnebago.
BLURB: Before anyone can ask for clarification of the
BETWEENER'S strange remark...
BLURB: ...the two constructs IMPACT the office tower...
BLURB: ...and DISPERSE INTO UNBONDED ATOMS!
(3)
INT. OFFICE TOWER: THE BOARD ROOM. Long, oval conference table.
Thickly upholstered chairs. Plush carpeting. The villains are
spawled all over the place. Kong Lomerate is prominent in this
shot, swinging from the chandelier, which brightly lights the
room.
BLURB: Their CONTENTS, however, arrive INTACT inside.
KONG: We're viable! And we've landed in the BOARD
ROOM--
KONG: --the natural habitat of KONG LOMERATE!
(4)
INT. OFFICE TOWER: THE MAIL ROOM. This is where Howard and
"friends" have landed, sprawled amid boxes, carts, postal scales,
stamps, a few thousand unsorted envelopes, etc. There are no
lights on in this room.
JENNIFER: Where-- ARE we--?!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 29.
HOWARD: =wauurrgh= The MAIL ROOM-- haven of lost souls.
HEMLOCK: Yes...whatever the Betweener's game may be-- he
obviously wishes us to start at the BOTTOM.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 30.
PAGE EIGHTEEN
(1)
Howard storms toward the door gesturing behind him for the others
to keep away, let him go. He wants no part of this. Chirreep in
particular watches him go, looking very upset. Korrek, climbing
out from under a pile of mail, is furious.
HOWARD: Yeah, well-- let 'im keep WISHIN'! I'm not
startin' at the bottom or anywhere ELSE!
HOWARD: In fact, I'm not PLAYIN'!
KORREK: By Bharph's blood-- time has wrought LITTLE
CHANGE in you, fowl!
(2)
Angle on Korrek, drawing his glowing sword from its sheath.
KORREK: You would only too happily DESERT your comrades
in the face of these prepositional FIENDS!
HOWARD: (OFF-PANEL) You GOT it, Korrek! I'm nothin' if
not--
(3)
Howard is opening the door-- when Korrek's sword flies into shot
just over his head (speedlines indicate its path) and imbeds
itself in the metal. The impact slams the door shut again.
Howard's eyes are rolling up to look at the sword.
HOWARD: (SMALL LETTERS, CENTERED IN BALLOON)
--consistent.
HOWARD: (LOWER-CASE LETTERS; CONNECT TO PREVIOUS BALLOON)
=ulp=
SFX: (SWORD HITTING DOOR) THWOMMM!
(4)
Howard reaches up and pulls the sword out of the door.
HOWARD: Korrek...lemme try'n put this diplomatically.
HOWARD: One'a the reasons I'm not exactly EAGER to fight
the good fight at your side...
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 31.
(5)
Wider shot. Howard whirls around, holding the sword with both
hands and waving it and yelling at Korrek. The barbarian takes a
step backward.
HOWARD: ...is that only a MORON throws his weapon away
before the fight's even STARTED!
HOWARD: Do I have to COMPLETE the syllogism, or do you
get the DRIFT?
KORREK: Anger overcame my REASON, fowl! I am not so
INCAUTIOUS in battle!
(6)
Howard tosses down the sword and starts for the door again.
HOWARD: What-- you only get mad at your FRIENDS?
HOWARD: Look, thew-brain, if you NEED me, give a holler,
okay? Otherwise--
(7)
Jennifer gives a worried look to Dakimh. She's concerned not
only for their lives-- but also the duck's sanity. Dakimh shrugs
"who can say?" in response to her question.
HOWARD: (OFF-PANEL) --just forget I EXIST!
SFX: (DOOR SLAMMING) SLAMM!
JENNIFER: I'm worried about Howard, Dakimh. He acts like
we all got together LAST WEEK.
JENNIFER: Doesn't he REALIZE he's been lost in that rift
for almost SIX YEARS...?!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 32.
PAGE NINETEEN
(1)
INT. THE BOARD ROOM: Angle over Kong Lomerate's shoulder down the
conference table where the villains are seated. Kong Lomerate
stands at the head of the table, playing chairman of the board,
addressing the others. Dr. Bong is seated to his right, Dr.
Angst to his left.
Seated on Angst's side of the table (from nearest to furthest)
are: Le Beaver, Black Hole, Sitting Bullseye, Tillie the Hun, the
Spanker, Jackpot, and Black Talon.
Seated on Bong's side of the table (also from nearest to
furthest) are: Wally Sidney, Greedy Killerwatt, Maller, Jokester,
Puffin, Quizling, and Pro-Rata.
Berserk Joe is at the end of the table, standing on his head in
his chair.
BLURB: Meanwhile, several floors above...
KONG: A most impressive assemblage, wouldn't you agree,
doctors?
KONG: The Canadian super-patriot LE BEAVER...the
matter-sucking BLACK HOLE...SITTING BULLSEYE,
TILLIE THE HUN, THE SPANKER, the one-armed bandit
JACKPOT...BLACK TALON, the voodoo priest...
KONG: ...BERSERK JOE, the cosmic lunatic...
KONG: ...clothier WALLY SIDNEY, GREEDY KILLERWATT...the
MALLER and his employees-- JOKESTER, PUFFIN, and
QUIZLING-- and PRO-RATA, chief accountant of the
universe.
(2)
Angle on the head of the table, including Bong, Angst, and Kong.
Kong Lomerate nods knowingly.
BONG: Surely the PREPOSITIONS gathered us together for
a REASON.
ANGST: Some grand purpose-- something to do with the
WINNEBAGO we saw from space!
KONG: Yes.
(3)
Small panel. Le Beaver scratches at the table and snarls at the
off-panel Kong.
LE BEAVER: If vous KNOW quelque-chose, minkey-- PARLEZ!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 33.
(4)
Tight shot of Kong. He regards the others haughtily.
KONG: Quite simply, I believe I have grasped the nature
of the Prepositions' ENTERPRISE.
KONG: This building is to be the battlefield for a war
of OFFICE POLITICS...
KONG: ...the OBJECT of which, as in any such conflict,
is the redistribution of POWER.
(5)
Extreme closeup of Kong, emphasizing the hungrily glittering
eyes.
KONG: By first dividing, then intimidating, and finally
DAMAGING our opponents...
KONG: ...the power falls to US-- and with it, the
Betweener's PRIZE.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 34.
PAGE TWENTY
(1)
INT. OFFICE BUILDING CORRIDOR: Howard, hands shoved into the
pockets of his coat, trundles down the hall, lost in thought.
Like the mail room, this area is also very dark.
HOWARD: (THOT) Shouldn't've railed at 'em like that.
They don't get it.
HOWARD: (THOT) Nobody gets it.
HOWARD: (THOT) Nobody ever did.
(2)
Another angle on Howard, seen from back, now approaching a corner
of the corridor. His trousers are starting to disappear-- just
vanish.
HOWARD: (THOT) It's a rare bird-- let alone a hairless
ape-- that never really feels lonely.
HOWARD: (THOT) Can't help it, though-- I DON'T very
often.
(3)
Around the corner: Howard comes shuffling around the bend,
glancing down, noticing that the trousers have disappeared
completely.
HOWARD: (THOT) Not that I'm in love with my own company,
or anything.
HOWARD: (THOT) Hm. There go the pants...!
HOWARD: (THOT) When you get right down to it, I'm a
fairly obnoxious personality.
(4)
Howard shuffles up to a water cooler, reaches up for a paper cup
from the cylindrically-shaped wall-mounted dispenser next to it.
(The dispenser is mounted at a height appropriate for adult
humans.)
HOWARD: (THOT) I've just never encountered anybody who
struck me as significantly LESS obnoxious.
HOWARD: (THOT) Thirsty...
HOWARD: (THOT) And suppose I did. Why would they want
anything to do with me?
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 35.
(5)
Close on the bottom of the cup dispenser. Howard's hand has
pulled a paper cup out of the dispenser-- and falling out after
it (as if dropping from a gallows, though it doesn't seem to
bother him at all), hanging from a rope that extends up into the
dispenser, is "OF," the weird little Preposition.
HOWARD: (THOT; OFF-PANEL) Even BEV* and I never went more
than 48 hours without arguing over SOMETH--
HOWARD: (BURST; OFF-PANEL) =WAAAAUGH!!=
OF: GREETS, Howard! War broken out yet?
BLURB: *Beverly Switzler, Howard's human companion
during most of his stay on earth.--J.S.
(6)
Medium shot. Howard gapes at the little preposition, who's
hanging just slightly above eye-level with the duck.
HOWARD: I oughtta THROTTLE you for scarin' me like that--
HOWARD: --but somehow it seems SUPERFLUOUS.
OF: Oh, good. It's travail enough going through life
as a HANGING PREPOSITION.
HOWARD: Uh-huh. Now what's this about a WAR?
(7)
Small panel. Close on Of. He realizes he's spoken out of turn.
OF: Oh, nothing...nothing at all...just making
conversation...!
OF: I really...should be going...my larger brothers
are calling...!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 36.
PAGE TWENTY-ONE
(1)
On Howard staring up at the cup dispenser. There's a little puff
of smoke now where Of had been hanging. The SHADOW of a tall,
off-panel figure is looming over Howard, as the figure approaches
from behind.
OF: Perhaps we can chat again...if you live through
this...!
SFX: (PUFF OF SMOKE) =POOT!=
HOWARD: If I WHAT--?!?
HOWARD: Come BACK here! I demand an EXPLANATION--!
(2)
Low angle past Howard to Chirreep, as she enters the scene behind
him. Howard is whirling around to look at her, again startled
half out of his wits.
CHIRREEP: It's useless, Howard. Paper cup dispensers don't
talk.
HOWARD: =WAAAAGH!!=
HOWARD: Now, who-- OH! It's the HALLUCINATION again!
CHIRREEP: My name is Chirreep, Howard. And we really must
talk.
(3)
Howard and Chirreep continue down the corridor.
CHIRREEP: You see...I'm RESPONSIBLE for your being trapped
in the rift...
CHIRREEP: ...and, inadvertently, for the destruction of
DUCKWORLD.
HOWARD: "Duckworld" again.
HOWARD: Lady, I've never HEARD of Duckworld! Why should
I CARE who destroyed it?
(4)
Chirreep looks at him, stunned. He looks at her as if she's
completely out to lunch.
CHIRREEP: Because you BORN there! Because your parents--
Ronald and Henrietta-- LIVED there!
CHIRREEP: Moon of noon-- the Howard I knew was never THIS
callous!
HOWARD: Then you must'a known a DIFFERENT Howard--
HOWARD: --'cause MY parents're named DAVE an' DOTTY!
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 37.
(5)
Small panel. Closeup on Chirreep. Her eyes widen, as a sudden
realization hits her.
CHIRREEP: Oh my stars and leotards!...then
Duckworld...only existed in the SHADOW
MULTIVERSE...
CHIRREEP: It only became real...AFTER it appeared in my
MOVIE...!
HOWARD: (OFF-PANEL) Hah?
(6)
Holding Howard's hand tightly (he looks a little uncomfortable
about this), Chirreep tells him about the creation of the second
multiverse.
BLURB: Breathlessly, the bird-woman explains the
functions, intended and otherwise, of the Poporb
and the Fictionator...
BLURB: ...and how the duck's dual existence in fact and
techno-fiction became NON-EXISTENCE when the
multiverses began to SEPARATE.
HOWARD: Y-you're tellin' me the ANGEL-- an' the
CATERPILLAR-- are FICTIONAL CHARACTERS?
CHIRREEP: YES--
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 38.
PAGE TWENTY-TWO
(1)
Howard and Chirreep approach a bank of elevators in the corridor.
CHIRREEP: --and NO!
CHIRREEP: They BEGAN as fictional creations-- but they
BECAME REAL-- sort of like your PANTS!
HOWARD: I repeat: hah?
CHIRREEP: In my movies, an ANIMAL DECENCY committee got
upset because you were waddling half-naked.
(2)
Behind How and Chirreep, the doors of an elevator are starting to
open. A shaft of light from the elevator stabs into the dark
corridor. They don't see it. Chirreep is too involved with her
story; How is too involved in his continuing skepticism.
CHIRREEP: They gave you a choice between trousers and
LYNCHING. You went with the pants.
HOWARD: Who WOULDN'T...?
CHIRREEP: But, Howard, if Andy the Angel and Hemlock
Shoals-- and your pants-- have all taken on some
kind of reality--
(3)
Behind How and Chirreep, the door has opened a little more. We
can see the menacing shapes of several figures in the elevator.
Chirreep grows progressively more alarmed, Howard progressively
more skeptical.
CHIRREEP: --that means --MY VILLAINS COULD HAVE, TOO!
HOWARD: Uh-huh. What were THEY-- evil GYM SHORTS, maybe?
(4)
LARGE PANEL: The door of the elevator is now completely open,
revealing several of the villains-- KONG LOMERATE, MALLER,
JACKPOT, AND GREEDY KILLERWATT-- ready to pounce. How and
Chirreep turn to face them, and react with shock, as Kong
Lomerate speaks.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 39.
Howard the Duck-1/Gerber/4-10-85 39.
KONG: Gentlemen, I had assumed my background in
BUSINESS would prove crucial to winning this war.
KONG: But if these two represent the CALIBER of our
antagonists, I am ludicrously OVERQUALIFIED.
KONG: Let us DISPENSE with subtlety and simply--
KONG: (BURST) --KILL THEM!!
(5)
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REALITY: ITS PREVENTION AND CURE!
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