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Red Dwarf V: Demons and Angels script
From: [email protected] (Neil Postlethwaite)
Subject: Red Dwarf V/5: 'Demons and Angels' (Spoilers Ahead!)
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland
Red Dwarf V/5: 'Demons and Angels'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening Scene: Lister and Kryten are in Red Dwarfs Science Lab. Lister
has pulled a ripe red strawberry out a a container. The
container has a white wispy vapour evaporating off it. The
strawberry has been frozen (probably in liquid nitrogen).
It is placed on the middle of 3 pads on a workbench.
L: Amazing, the last strawberry in the universe.
K: Calibrator locked and set. Organic infrastructure recorded and stored.
Engage triplicator.
Lister starts up the machine. Beams of light hit all 3
of the pads. 2 new strawberries appear left and right of
the original.
L: It works !
Rimmer enters the science lab.
R: What works ?
K: We've adapted the matter panel (1). Only now the signal is split 3
ways (2), so as well as receiving the object back, we get 2 identical
copies.
L: This is going to solve ALL our supply problems.
K: Taking into account the computations for recalibrating, I think we can
produce 4, perhaps 5, strawberries a week.
R: Well I don't know if the Nobel science people run a fruit section, but
if they do you've GOT to be this years hot tip.
Gentlemen, history beckons. You'll be famous, they'll build your statues,
they'll even name towns after you. Dorksville springs instantly to mind.
L: This machine could revolutionise our lives.
R: Absolutely ! With this little baby running full pelt, I confidently
predict we could have a full fruit salad by the end of the year.
L: It's not just strawberries, this machine can duplicate anything. It can ...
Lister picks up one of the new strawberries and and takes
a bite out of it. He has a strange look on his face.
K: Sir, what's wrong ?
L: This strawberry IS INCREDIBLE. So succulent. It's divine.
Lister picks up the other new strawberry and also takes
a bite of this one.
R: Is that the same ?
Lister face is screwed up in disgust.
L: Oh NO !, no.
R: How's it different ?
L: Bitter..
L: Bitter
The shot cuts to the 'off' strawberry. It is crawling
inside with maggots. Lister still hasn't seen them, though
Rimmer and Kryten have.
L: Rancid, king of tangy, crunchy, tangy, meaty even. Funny kind of
wriggly texture.
Lister sees the maggots.
L: Oh .......... smeg ........
K: It's as if the triplicator has extracted all the very best elements out
of one duplicate (ie the maggoty one), and all the very worst out of
the other (ie the good one).
L: So what would happen if we reversed the process ?
Lister and Kryten restart the process but something goes
badly wrong. The central console starts exploding and all
the rest of the equipment in the lab follows suit.
R: Nice experiment guys, what do you do for an encore ? Neutron bomb
juggling ?!
Red Dwarfs red alert starts to sound.
H: Rude alert. Rude alert. A fire has knocked out my voice recognition
unicycle. Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop,
This is not a daffodil, repeat this is not a daffodil
R: Well thankfully Holly is unaffected.
K: The engine core is reaching critical mass. We will have meltdown in
less than 15 minutes.
R: Er, I think a brisk stroll in the direction of the cargo bay could be
an outstanding career move at this point.
L: Are you saying that Red Dwarf is going to blow ?!
K: In less time than it take a Norwegian to buy ski boots !
Cat appears.
C: Hey guys, I think they are playing our tune: the a-woo-ga waltz. Anyone
care to join me in a quickstep.
They all dash off in the direction of the cargo bay.
Starbug lifts off and starts to head out of the ship.
R: Holly, open cargo bay doors.
K: Holly, tho..those cargo bay doors we talked about earlier, would you
mind opening them please !!
L: Holly, the doors Holly !!
H: The phrase 'cargo bay doors' does not appear to be in my lexicon.
L: Manual override.
H: The phrase 'manual override' does....
L: Oh... forget it.
Starbug crashes through the doors.
K: That's 80 clicks. We should be clear of any possible blast zone.
C: You really think that it's going to blow ?
R: This can't be happening.
L: Nothings going to happen, we're just here as a precaution. The ship is
full of failsafes anyway. Coolant systems, containment fields, vacumn
shields. The chances of it blowing are ..... about 1 in .....
Red Dwarf explodes. (3)
L: .... 1
The nearest asteroid with a S3 atmosphere is 6 hours away.
Starbug however only has fuel for 5 hours flight. This isn't a major
problem because they only have enough oxygen for 7 minutes left anyway.
Rimmer tries to get Kryten to stick with him. They don't need oxygen.
They could ditch Cat and Listers bodies' which should hopefully lighten
the load enough so they could reach the asteroid.
Lister says that's not the Red Dwarf way. One in trouble,
all in trouble. They all stick together. The posse. "Boys' from the
Dwarf" (doing a hands shaking out in front ritual -coolly. Hard to
describe it !). Rimmer asks if they have anything in writing ? It's
tragic that they are going to die, but life must go on. However in
Mr Rimmers case that isn't quite true. He is operating on emergency
batteries and they don't have any spares. He will expire in a little
under 4 minutes.
R: Ok home boys lets posse !! (Does the hand shaking, VERY badly).
They are going to scan the wreckage for debris. Fuel tanks,
oxygen etc. They come across 2 large objects. They are 2 Red Dwarfs. The
triplicator has produced 2 duplicates before Red Dwarf was destroyed.
The process wasn't reversed. The field didn't point in, it pointed out and
Red Dwarf was copied. The strain of copying something so big caused a huge
power drain and that caused the engine overload and the resulting explosion.
There are now 2 Red Dwarfs. One succulent and divine, the other
'fish bait'. Cat asks why they can't just go and live on the new better
Red Dwarf. The problem is there is a limited lifespan on any duplicates
currently. In the lab, the fruit would only last for 1 hour. There will
be copies of everything on the original Red Dwarf including the triplicator.
They can retrieve it and try to combine the 2 copies to get the original
Red Dwarf back.
Lister and Cat are seen on the new better Red Dwarf. It has
magnificent piped music, the air is wonderful: makes you glad to be alive.
Everything on the ship is divine.
L: Let's check the food.
C: What did you order ?
L: The ultimate test....... A Pot Noodle ! (4)
Cat and Lister taste it.
L&C: Mmmmm....
L: I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've
played pool with planets and given birth 2 twins, but I NEVER thought in
my entire life I would taste an edible Pot Noodle.
A divine Cat and Lister (dressed as Monks) and bid them a
welcome. They explain about themselves. They are the higher selves, the
spiritual side, the potential of Lister and Cat, which has been extrapolated
from their beings. Cat says that the divine part could NOT be from him, no
part of him would ever be seen alive in sandals. The divine cat explains
that he has no need for a want of clothes. They are a distraction from the
pursuit of spiritual and intellectual fullfilment. This is funny as the Cat
finds spiritual and intellectual fulfilment a distraction from the
pursuit of clothes. They join Rimmer and Kryten with the divine Rimmer
and Kryten, also dressed as monks.
The divine Cat and Lister Kryten and Rimmer spend their time
with philosophy, poetry, music and study. Trying to expand their minds and
unlock their full potential in the service of mankind. 'May your path lead
you to wisdom and in wisdom know ye peace'. Rimmer thinks they are a bunch
of losers. Hippies. Kryten asks Rimmer if he would think Jesus was a
hippy. Rimmer replies yes, 'Well he was. Long hair and no job. What more
do you want'.
They have found the triplicator and they should scram before
the mad monk brothers rope them into an evening of philosophical music
and an evening of self-flagellation. However, the triplicator only has
half the vital compontents needed. They must visit the 'low' Red Dwarf
to retrieve them. The entertainment begins. There is to be Haiku
readings, poetry recitals and musings on the inner soul. But first, music
and dance. Brother Rimmer is portraying Agony. Who is searching out the
truth. The truth danced to by Brother Cat. (Brother Kryten is the narrator,
Brother Lister is playing a Lyre). Sister Holly interrupts unfortunately.
She is receiving a weak distress call from the 'low' Red Dwarf. 'They must
haste over and help them'.
The inside of the 'low' Red Dwarf is dark and dreary. They
take it cautiously. However, Brother Kryten shout out 'Greetings, we bring
you food and medical supplies'. He is shot in the chest almost immediately.
He says to the assailant that they must have a faulty gun, and is shot
another 4 times. 'He has shot me accidentally 5 times, how I love him'.
Brother Cat show himself. 'You have a grievous fault with thy weapon. It
keeps shooting people. Look, there it goes again' (as Cat is now shot).
An object is now thrown at them. 'What is it. A greeting gift. A sparkling
welcome orb. Let us embrace it'. It explodes, throws Lister clear but does
not appear to do much damage.
The 'low' Lister appears over Lister. (His appearance is of
a Mexican type bandit from a Sergio Leone Western). He takes his cigar
from his mouth and spits in Lister face. Lister runs. He comes across
the 'low' Cat, who is a fanged monster wearing animal hide/furs and
devouring raw flesh. Lister runs again and takes a rest against a wall.
The 'low' Kryten does a Robocop and grabs him through the wall. Lister
manages to escape again. He hears someone and calls out 'Rimmer' quietly.
The 'low' Rimmer appears. He is dressed like Dr Frank N. Furter from the
Rocky Horror Picture Show. Basque, suspenders and stockings, leather,
dog collars, feathers, a crooked H on his forehead. 'Hello my pretty.
I want to HURT you because I'm not a very nice person. I'm going to whip
you within an inch of your life...... and then I'm going to HAVE you'.
He activates his holo-whip and whips Lister unconscious.
Brother Lister/Brother Rimmer and Cat and Kryten divide up.
The brother are not afraid. They need no weapons. They are wearing
protective herbs.
Lister is tied down on a medical examination bench (cf Star
Trek type). He is fitted with a Spinal Implant. He can be controlled by
remote control. The 'lows' want the divine Red Dwarf as on their ship
nothing works and it is decaying. They give Lister a drink of coffee.
He is forced to pick it up and pour the steaming hot coffee onto his crotch
(5). He is also given something horrible to eat (even I cringed at this).
Lister says that the 'low' Lister cannot be part of him. Yes he is. He is
the part of Lister that likes horror movies, the part that pulled the legs
off spiders as a child, held a magnifying glass into the sunlight and
watched his best friends neck buuuuurrrrrnnnnnnnn. The part that lusts after
meaningless sex. Lister says but I could never kill. But he is going to
be made to because of the implant. He is given a knife and his mouth
is taped over.
Kryten and Rimmer enter the 'low' quarters of Rimmer and Lister
while looking for the triplicator. They come across videos, 'Revenge of
the Mutants Splat Gore Monsters', Die Screaming with Sharp Things in your
Head'. Weapons magazines. This place is a shrine to everything low and
base in like. Everything designed to sicken the soul and shrivel the
spirit. Kryten open a storage locker. 'Eeughh!, Toastie Toppers. Oh,
Cinema Hot Dogs. Sweaty kebabs with brown lettuce coimg out of them'.
Cat finds some CD's. 'Hammond Heaven', 'Karaoke Heaven', 'Peter Perfect
plays Tuneful Tunes for Elderly Ladies'. They find and take the triplicator.
Lister meets Brother Lister and Brother Rimmer in a corridor.
He kills Brother Lister and grabs Brother Rimmers light bee and crushes
it. Brother Rimmer fades away.
Rimmer, Cat and Kryten have set up a properly working
triplicator when Lister appears mumbling again. Cat walks over and rips
off the tape.
L: MMmmnn
C: What ?
L: Look out I'm going to kill you !!
I'm a homicidal maniac. My body is being remotely controlled by the
'lows'
Lister now has an axe.
L: K look out !!
Kryten gets whacked on the head, then the k#neck by Lister
with the axe.
R: Shoot him !
L: What ! (Now strangling the cat)
R: Blow his kneecaps off. It's the only way.
L: Give me a break Rimmer.
R: He's a homicidal manic, put him down.
L: There must be some other way.
Incapacitate me somehow.
R: Hit him over the head with that axe.
L: That'll kill me.
R: Not if he does it gently.
R: He's killing the Cat.
K: What can I do.
L: Incapacitate me in a painless way.
The Cat incapacitates Lister, with sound effects !!, in probably
the most painless way possible. (Guess it !!).
L: (Very weak voice) That was un-necessary.
C: Unnecessary !! Look what you've done to my neck line. This stuff never
springs back (adjusting his shirt collar).
Lister now grabs one of the bazookoids.
L: Kryten left (he shoots right)
L: Right (shoots left)
L: You must take me by surprise
K: I'm coming up behind you now Sir.
L: Surprise me. Get ON with it.
K: You may get an unpleasant sensation of Chloroform now sir. Surprising
you now Sir.
Lister is out cold. Starbug's engine are started but they
won't catch.
C: Damn, a flat battery. Who left the lights on ?
K: No, it's the magnetic coils. They have de-polarised. It's as if
the decay abouad this ship is contagious.
R: 35 seconds.
C: Try the backup.
All systems check out.
Starbug takes off and heads out of the cargo bay. Lister
recovers from the chloroform and enters the cabin and starts hitting the
controls. Kryten see's the spinal implant and pulls it out of Lister neck.
Starbug off course, hits the side of the doors to the cargo bay. Kryten
is almost knocked over. He loses the implant. It ends up in Cats neck.
The Cat tries to strangle Lister now. Kryten pulls the implant out of
Cats neck and throws it into the back of Starbug.
The triplicator merges the 'high' and 'low' Red Dwarfs back
into one original (3). Holly comes back on line on one of Starbugs'
monitors.
H: Engaging course 00 mark 0. Taking her home.
Lister is virtually dead on his feet. He is helped into the
back to rest.
C: See what you did to my Blouson (adjusting his collar again),
plus you almost killed me 3 times.
L: Sorry it wasn't my fault. Once you get one of those things in you,
you just go king of ...
Lister sits down, on the implant that Kryten chucked into the back.
K: Sir what's wrong ?
R: I think he just sat on the spinal implant.
K: It doesn't make sense. Who is controlling him ?!
Cat grabs a bazookoid and shoots at a locker. The 'low' Lister
falls out dead dropping the control box.
K: I think I'd better remove and destroy it once and for all.
C: What a minute (picking up the control box). All I ask is one week !
Cat starts twiddling with the control box. Lister slaps himself
in the face. First with the right hand, then the left, right ...
C: Boy, this is going to be FUN !!!!!
---------- End of Summary ------------
Comments:
~~~~~~~
I think this is probably been the best one of this series so far.
It had just about everything. A good, fast plot, plenty of action,
loads of gags. Some of it was a bit obvious in places, particularly
the Kryten Robocop, the good and bad Red Dwarfs after the strawberries.
All in all it was pretty good though.
Technically speaking the episode was a marvel of production and
direction. Having the same actor playing 3 different characters (high,
low and normal) often in rapidly joining and changing scenes was really
VERY well done. Probably the best example of an actor playing multiple
roles I have seen. There were only 2 scenes where actors appeared twice
in the same camera shot. In one, they were in a corridor and they kept
to different sides of it. The other was a distance type of shot so it
couldn't really be seen if there were stand-ins or if it was just simple
film overlaying. I was ** well ** impressed.
One gripe. The space scenes of Red Dwarf and Starbug are beginning
to be recycled TOO much. I think some more should be shot. This week there
were some old ones from series III. They don't even do anything to try and
hide the fact, like just flipping the film over so left become right.
I did want to do more of the episode guide in a 'play' type of way,
but what with 15 characters and most of them being the same (High, Low and
normal Lister/Rimmer/Kryten/Cat/Holly) it sort of got too complicated.
Notes:
~~~~
1) The Matter Panel. First seen in RD IV/6: 'Meltdown'.
2) Here there was a massive, whopping big continuity error. Krytens
explanation started about mid sentence.
3) The explosion and recreation effects of Red Dwarf were very
Blakes 7. In this day and age, they really should have done
better.
4) Pot Noodle. Incase Pot Noodles aren't available abroad. What they
are is a dried noodle type substance with little bits of veg'
and meaty bit in them. Also a small sauce portion. Soy, mango
chutney depending on the flavour. Pretty much a last resort
type of food. You make them by filling about 3/4 full with
boiling water and let sit for 4 minutes or so for the dried
noodles (loose sense of the word) to rehydrate.
5) The coffee in the crotch was very similar to the description
of Lister pouring coffee (unknown at that point) from a Thermos
flask to put out a cigarette he dropped between his legs when
in a Hopper taxi on Mimas (See Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes
Careful Drivers Book).
Credits:
~~~~~~
Arnold Rimmer Chris Barrie
Dave Lister Craig Charles
Holly Hattie Hayridge
Cat Danny John-Jules
Kryten Robert Llewellyn
Directed Juliet May/Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
Produced Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V (C) BBC TV 1992
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guide by Neil Postlethwaite
Heriot-Watt University,
Edinburgh, UK.
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