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ST:TNG lost epesidoe.... pretty phuckin' phunny
(1/1): heree, heree.... the fish sail at blue
Name: Dhavol #2 [ History Day!!!! ] Last on: 5/30/95
Date: Wed, 31, May, 1995 8:15:19 PM
Subj: Star Trek-The Lost Episodes
Date: Fri, May 26, 1995 11:57 PM EDT
From: 72164.542@compuserve.com
X-F rom:72164.542@compuserve.com (Lisa)
T o:[email protected] (Kate), [email protected] (Bob Nehls), [email protected]
(Patrick), [email protected] (Coatsworth, Scott), [email protected] (Jeni & Damon)
More humor for y'all to enjoy...
>
>"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.
>
>
><Pichard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
>finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access
>their command pathways?"
>
><Geordi>"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through
>our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
>
><Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.>
>
><Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
>
><Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this program,
>for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once
>inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at
>an unstoppable rate."
>
><Pichard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
>processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
>
><Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
>version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
>exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
>quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
>over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
>
><Pichard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
>geometric shape' idea."
>
>.... . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
>
><Data> "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
>command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
>resources. We, however, have not received any confirmation of the
>expected 'upgrade'."
>
><Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
>capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to
>compensate for their increase."
>
><Pichard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
>something we have missed."
>
><Data> "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
>Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending
>in their registration cards.
>
><Riker> "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
>emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
>
><Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
>suddenly dropped to 0% !"
>
><Pichard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"
>
><Data> "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named
>'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
>
><Pichard> "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
>functionality."
>
>.... . . Two Hours Pass . . .
>
><Riker> "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
>
><Geordi> "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate
>for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully
>increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to
>transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft
>fun-pack'.
>
><Pichard> "How much time will that buy us ?"
>
><Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
>span of 6 more hours."
>
><Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
>
><Pichard> "Identify."
>
><Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
>
><Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
>MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
>SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
>SECONDS"
>
><Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
>thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
>
><Pichard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
>
><Riker> "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the
>Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of
>deep space ?!"
>
><Data> "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer
>I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
>twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani
>suits"
>
><Riker and Pichard together horrified> "Lawyers !!"
>
><Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
>into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
>
><Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived."
>
><Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
>types of papers."
>
><Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' it
>often proves fatal."
>
><Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
>
><Pichard> "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg
>deserve that."
>
>-----------------------------the_end----------------------------------
>
>--
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> Things can only get better if you believe.....
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
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Date: 26 May 95 23:56:10 EDT
From: Lisa <72164.542@compuserve.com>
To: Kate <[email protected]>, Bob Nehls <[email protected]>,
Patrick <[email protected]>, "Coatsworth, Scott" <[email protected]>,
Jeni & Damon <[email protected]>
Subject: Star Trek-The Lost Episodes
Message-Id: <950527035610_72164.542_DHR40-2@CompuServe.COM>
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