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Star Trek: The Next Parody Writer's Guide
Filename: p.072
Category: Star Trek (tm) parodies
Title(s): Worf in the Fold
Author(s): Russell Billings, Elizabeth Hildebrand, David E. Brooks Jr,
Rob Miracle
Newsgroup: rec.arts.startrek
Poster: Rob Miracle
Date posted: 1989 06 29 14:01:00 GMT
First date published: 1989 06 29 14:01:00 GMT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Star Trek: The Next Parody
Writer's Guide
Copyright, Copywright, Copywrite and Copyrite (C) 1989, LAST-PAT Productions
Star Trek: The Next Parody Page 1
Purpose:
The purpose of this document is to describe to would-be
parody authors the proper way to write episodes for Star
Trek: The Next Parody. Even though LAST-PAT is certainly
not the only source of Star Trek parodies, we are arrogant
enough to claim that our way is the only way. Conform or
else.
This will be broken into several major sections. First
will be the rules for authorship as governed by the
Louisville Area Star Trek Parody Authorship Team. Second
will be an interview with the LAST-PAT staff. Finally, a
program guide of all known parodys and their subject will be
listed. Since the only real parodies are the ones that we
have in our archives, only those will be listed.
Ed. and I thank you for your support.
Page 2
[Editor's note: I have seen fit to give you both the actual]
[words written for the writer's guide and a companion ]
[translation so you will know what we really mean. Go away.]
(Actual wording) (Translation)
Certain guidelines should These are the rules you must
be followed to maintain the follow at all times with no
proper atmosphere for a parody. exceptions to even get us to
consider recognizing your
miserable attempt to get us
to notice you.
These suggestions have worked We threw the ideas together
for us time and time again in in less than one night. We
our work, and are proven methods laughed at what we wrote, so
and styles of parody writing. obviously everyone else must
be laughing, too. Since they
work, we will reject any and
all new methods that you may
think up. If *WE* think up
something new, thought, it
be added to the list as being
intuitively obvious.
Requirements: Requirements:
------------ -------------
The following is a list of We think you should write it
bare minimum things that a like this, so do it our way.
parody requires.
Rule 1: It must be funny. We must think it is funny.
Rule 2: It must be based on Based on 'real episodes'
Star Trek, whether novel only. Cartoons and novels
comic, cartoon, or real are not real ST and should
episodes from TOS, TNG, be ignored.
and the movies.
Rule 3: It must make fun of Current flame wars in RAS
rec.arts.startrek. are great subject matter.
Recommendations: Just as required as the last
set of rules. Regulations:
--------------- ----------------------------
Rec 1: It should make fun of Rule 4: No one will buy
current affairs, such as our advertising space, so
commercials we have seen attack them in all possible
too many times. ways. Do keep up with some
current events.
Rec 2: Humor found in the two Rule 5: Steal the ideas of
Airplane movies is highly other people who write better
recommended. comedy than you do and use
it at least once per parody.
Rec 3: Change how characters Rule 6: Abuse the actors
act by exaggerating the for the flaws that writers
things things they do in are really responsible for.
real episodes. Example: Take anything that an actor
Picard must surrender at does in two successive shows
least one time in every and beat it to death.
six parodies.
Rec 4: Use homonyms to the Rule 7: Use puns in every
actual words to change possible situation to keep
the meanings and get new the audience groaning.
ideas. Example: Make it
sew, Mr. Data.
Rec 5: Take comments out of Rule 8: If you can't make
context to form new story a pun out of a sentance,
ideas. Example: Data is change its context to make
a toaster. it sound stupid.
Consistancy Nit-Pickey Details
------------------------------- ---------------------------
Name Spelling Name Spelling
All character names must be Get it right. The one
spelled accuratly. For exception is Gunian(sp)
example, Picard is spelled which can be purposly
Picard, not Piccard. Troi mispelled since no one
is spelled Troi, etc. can spell it right anyway.
Note: the (sp) is mandatory.
Botching Riker as Ryker is
acceptible once a month.
Stardates Stardates
A simple coding scheme of We say so what? There is
Smmdd.h no consistancy with stardates
where S is the season, mm is Picard babbles what he wants.
the month and dd is the day Use Stardates to code special
and h is the hour seems to numbers like your birthday or
work within reason. the Illinois State Lotto.
Extras Extras
Do not use extras more than Kill them all. We don't have
one episode. Redshirts any more, so anyone
is fair game. Any one who shows
up more than once must be
important.
Commercials Commercials
Place regular breaks. Use These breaks should be as
three to four commericals annoying as the real ones
per break. since we can't increase the
loudness like they do on TV, we
decided to make them annoying.
Parody the commercials, too, but
leave Joe Isuzu intact - he is
too good.
Chapter II Subsection 8.4 Mark 2
An Interview with the boneheads who write this trash.
Picture if you will (and you will) a stage with five chairs. The
decore is similar to a Klingon Auditorium with the notable exception
of the chairs, they are vintage Federation Captian's Seats obviously
stolen (er. borrowed) from Constitution class starships. The
audience is filled with various races of hostile intent. These
include Klingons, Romulans, Ferringi, Packlets, Q's, etc. There is
but one Gorn and he is holding his own. They are all armed with
tomatos and watermelons. Four gentleman and a lady are led to the
stage shackled in the finest Klingon chains. They are guarded by two
Kingon guards. The elder gentleman is seperated from the rest and
taken to the front of the stage. Strange music fills the air,
reminiscent of 20th century earth during the 11:30 (EDT) pm time slot.
Announcer: Live from BurrBank, It's the Tomorrow Show. Tonight's
guest host is none other than Phil Dontknowhue.
Crowd: Grumble....
Announcer: And tonight's guests are the Louisville Area Star Trek
Parody Authoring Team (LAST-PAT).
Crowd: Yeaaaaa!!!!
Phil: And you are?
Elizabeth: Elizabeth, not Betsy, Elizabeth
Phil: And you
Russell: Russell, but you can call me ReBILL.
Phil: Why ReBILL?
Rob: It's not his fault that we have a stupid computer
account naming scheme.
Phil: What kind of insignificant life are you?
Rob: I am a human, not a sniviling little worm like you.
Phil: Thank You, and finally, the alien amoung them, and
you are?
Dave: David E. Brooks, Jr., Punster at Large
Phil: Why are you the only alien, isn't that being a little
discrimitory?
Dave: Well, I don't have a local account though I only work
5 miles away. So we have to net all of the work. It
kinda ALIENates me from them, other than
Phil: [interrupting] That is nice, but are you planning on sueing?
Dave: No. Why should I call pigs?
Rob: Why don't we discuss what we were invited here for?
Phil: Listen you lifeless earthling, this is my show!
Elizabeth: I bed to differ, you are just a guest host.
Phil: Oh, that is correct Liz.
Elizabeth: And the name is Elizabeth.....
Russell: Don't forget your monolog.
[Monolog]
Phil: What happens when a duck flys upside down?
Crowd: What [aiming the tomatos]?
Phil: It quacks up [thump]
[Phil is decked by a Denebian Five Pointed Tomato, which has the ]
[consistancy of a gourd. He lays on the ground for a minute or ]
[so while the crowd applauds the Gorn for the good shot. ]
Phil: So, Rob, how did you start writing parodys?
Rob: I had read one on Usenet one day and I thought up a
cute scenerio and it BLOSSOMED from there. I let ReBill
proof read it and he made some changes and we sent it
out.
Dave: We ROSE to the occasion, though Rob can be a THORN
in our sides.
Phil: Are you a member of the Writers Guild?
Rob: Why? We don't get paid, so we arn't going in for that
Guild stuff.
Phil: Did you know you can get in trouble for that?
Rob: Hey jerk, I am protected by the first amendment. I can
write any thing I feel like. [Sticks tounge out]
Pthhhhphpt!
Phil: So, Rebill, what got you started?
Rebill: [Pointing to Rob] He twisted my arm!
Rob: I did not.
Rebill: Yes you did.
Rob: Moi? [ReBill reaches for Rob's Neck, Rob Readies a ]
[Left Jab, Right Cross Combo ]
Phil: No hostilities here.
[The stage is pounded with tomatos ]
Phil: Betsy, how did you get started?
Elizabeth: That is Elizabeth you clown. Rob twisted my arm.
Rob: Did not.
Phil: Enough. Elizabeth you clown, do you enjoy them?
Elizabeth: Comming up with the ideas is fun, but Rob is always
mutating them and then he makes me proof read his
intollerable typing.
Rebill: You tell em, Zbeth!
Phil: Why don't you yell at him for changing your name?
Elizabeth: My friends at work call me Zbeth.
Phil: Can I call you Zbeth?
Elizabeth: Sorry, I don't give out my phone number.
Phil: Uh. So, Rob, it would appear that you are a real jerk?
Rob: No, but heard that you . . . [cut off]
Phil: So Dave, how do you fit into all this.
Dave: Tightly; I'm the punster.
Phil: Punster, what's that?
Dave: It is a person who makes plays on words, but this is
important right now.
Phil: Give me an example of a pun.
Rob: You are a pun, a punishing host.
Rebill: We have declared o-pun warfare on you.
Dave: Well we were working on a parody about where a planet
was being destroyed by appliances. Data found a sewing
machine. Instead of Capt. Picard saying "Make it So" I
came up with "Make it Sew"
Phil: That wasn't funny.
Rob: Sometimes you need 1/2 a brain to think something is
funny, which you don't have.
Phil: Well Russell, you and Liza...[cut off]
Elizabeth: That's Elizabeth.
Phil: ... come up with the ideas, Rob steals them and forces
Dave to make stupid jokes and then makes you do the
editing.
Rebill: That's about it.
Dave: I think it is time to go, Lettuce Leaf.
[ Stage is pounded with Iceberg Lettuce ]
Rob: Seems we have gotten to the ROOT of the problem.
Elizabeth: Be carfull, Rob, you are BARKing up the wrong Tree.
Rebill: They are going to open a new BRANCH of the insane asylum
for you.
Dave: Those are PINE-ful puns.
Rebill: WOOD-nt you know it?
[ The Klingon Guards who cannot take much more of this rush up and ]
[ stab everyone with Klingon Pain Sticks. Phil is the first on down ]
[ The group is dragged off the stage and the crowd starts dancing to ]
[ the Blue Danube ]
Part Three -- Episode Guide to Star Trek: The Next Parody
Written at the University of Louisville
---------------------------------------
Episode 52UL - incomplete copy. Deals with Riker still having
the powers of the Q. The crew from TOS shows up
exchanges ships, and destroys the old Enterprise.
This was posted in a complete form, but my copy
was trashed.
Episode 55UL - Deals with Q and his girlfriend U showing up
once again to annoy the enterprise crew. This was
never published, and may be used in the STTNP series.
Star Trek: The Next Parody series (written after 2nd season started)
- unnamed parody, concerns the dreaded "Lotto Virus" that has
attacked planet "Promo IV." Cameo appearances by
Kirk, Spock, Mudd, Jones, and Edmiral McMahon.
- "Appliances Galore"
A giant toaster has destroyed a planet.
- "Elementary School, Dear Data"
Data has to attend 12 years of school at a Starbase.
- "Across the River Styx"
Deanna Troi and the bartender duke it out.
- "The Wraith of Kahn"
Kirk's old enemy is back to menace Riker.
- "50 cents for each additional minute"
Galactic Accountants race against time to keep
Wesley from going over budget.
- "Worf in the Fold"
The Enterprise crew run into yet another Kirk refuge.
- "I'm Kate, I'm Kate" (Under Construction)
Pulaski relives a childhood story.
- "WorfBusters" (Under Construction)
A HAUNTing epiode.
- "The Caducas Gambit" (Under Construction)
The End of the Second Season. Time to exchange Docs.
Written by others on the net
----------------------------
- "Where no sane man has gone before"
Very long parody written during the first season. Included
appearances by Doctor Who, the smurfs, Knight Rider, Lost in Space,
Laverne and Shirley, and others. Author unknown.
- "RETURN TO BABBLE"
Second season parody that rehashes the old 'transferring delegates
to some peace planet' theme. Author unknown.
- "PARADOX" by [email protected]
- "Star Trek: the next degeneration" by [email protected]
- untitled, A series of Captain's Logs from TOS, Author unknown.
- "Improper Channels" by John Collier. TNG
- "A Galaxy Far, Far Away", ST:TNG Meets Star Wars, Author unknown.
- "The NetNews Web", by John Collier. TNG
- "Where No Man has Acted Before", Author Unknown.
- "The Perplexed Generation", Author Unknown.
- "The Sexed Generation", Author Unknown.
- "Wrath of Tribbles" by Mark Kadus, TNG Faces Tribbles
- untitled, author unknown, known to us as Very Long.
===========================
Oh, Authors for our stuff:
EPISODE *UL - written by Russell Billings ([email protected])
with some editing by Rob Miracle ([email protected])
STTNP stuff - Co-written by R. Billings, R. Miracle, E. Hildebrand
([email protected]) and David Brooks, Jr.
(brooks@corpane.UUCP)
- assistance provided by John Sparks (sparks@corpane.UUCP),
Jim Sewell ([email protected]), and Diana Herman
(herman_d%civax@corpane.UUCP) and thousands of more whom
we have "borrowed" from.
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