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								|   | What Star Trek's sub- titles SHOULD be...STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
 The REAL Episode Titles
 By J. Shaun Lyon, David Johnson, the USS Tradition and Enterprise America
 
 Ever notice how the "real" episode titles are sorely missing from Star Trek:
 The Next Generation.  Sometimes they just don't feel like they belong.  Well,
 in place of those printed titles, how about some better ones?
 
 Encounter at Farpoint -- YOUNG JELLYFISH IN LOVE
 
 The Naked Now -- YOUR CABIN OR MINE or FULLY FUNCTIONAL
 
 Code of Honor -- JAMAICAN MUD WRESTLING
 
 The Last Outpost -- MANNY, MOE AND JACK ON VACATION
 
 Where No One Has Gone Before -- TINKERBELL LIVES or STAR TREK GOES WISHPOWER
 
 Lonely Among Us -- SPACE KOOTIES or HE'S COMING THROUGH THE CIRCUITRY
 
 Justice -- NYMPHO JOGGERS FROM HELL or PLANET 34-D
 
 The Battle -- NOT NOW, BONZO, I HAVE A HEADACHE
 
 Hide and Q -- THE MAN WHO WOULD BE Q
 
 Haven -- AUNTIE MAME IN SPACE
 
 The Big Goodbye -- TRON TREK
 
 Datalore -- EVIL TWIN BROTHER SKIPPY
 
 Angel One -- ATTACK OF THE KILLER BIMBOS
 
 11001001 -- <CR> (Carriage Return) or YES, WILL RIKER, BLOW YOUR HORN
 
 Too Short a Season -- TOO LONG AN EPISODE
 
 When the Bough Breaks -- AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR BIRTH CONTROL
 
 Homesoil -- RIKER OF ARABIA or THIS GALAXY AIN'T BIG ENUF
 
 Coming of Age -- WESLEY CRUSHER: SPACE CADET
 
 Heart of Glory -- I HAVE A TURTLE ON MY HEAD AND I MUST SCREAM
 
 The Arsenal of Freedom -- CAL WORTHINGTON'S USED WEAPONS
 
 Symbiosis -- ELECTRIC COKE DEALERS FROM HELL
 
 Skin of Evil -- THE TAR BABY: YAR'S SONG OF THE SOUTH
 
 We'll Always Have Paris -- LET'S DO THE TIME WARP....AGAIN
 
 Conspiracy -- KILLER WORMS FROM PLANET CRONENBERG
 
 The Neutral Zone -- REAL ROMULANS DON'T EAT QUICHE
 
 The Child -- YOU LIGHT UP MY LEG
 
 Where Silence Has Lease -- OUTER LIMITS REJECT (FROM HELL, OF COURSE)
 
 Elementary, Dear Data -- TEATIME WITH MORIARTY
 
 The Outrageous Okona -- HAN SOLO'S NEW LOOK or HEEEEEERE'S DATA!
 
 Loud as a Whisper -- A CHORUS LINE
 
 The Schizoid Man -- SPLITZOID SCHIZOID ANDROID
 
 Unnatural Selection -- REQUIEM FOR THE DEADLY YEARS
 
 ---And, if that wasn't enough, titles for the Trek Movies---
 
 STAR TREK I: I WANT MY MOMMY
 
 STAR TREK II: LITTLE MAD SCREAMING HEEBIE-JEEBIES IN MY EAR
 
 STAR TREK III: DON'T TELL *ME* WHAT THE WORD IS
 
 STAR TREK IV: THE GREENPEACE COMMERCIAL
 
 STAR TREK V: SAREK SLEEPS AROUND
 
 
 
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