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What Star Trek's sub- titles SHOULD be...


STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
The REAL Episode Titles
By J. Shaun Lyon, David Johnson, the USS Tradition and Enterprise America

Ever notice how the "real" episode titles are sorely missing from Star Trek:
The Next Generation. Sometimes they just don't feel like they belong. Well,
in place of those printed titles, how about some better ones?

Encounter at Farpoint -- YOUNG JELLYFISH IN LOVE

The Naked Now -- YOUR CABIN OR MINE or FULLY FUNCTIONAL

Code of Honor -- JAMAICAN MUD WRESTLING

The Last Outpost -- MANNY, MOE AND JACK ON VACATION

Where No One Has Gone Before -- TINKERBELL LIVES or STAR TREK GOES WISHPOWER

Lonely Among Us -- SPACE KOOTIES or HE'S COMING THROUGH THE CIRCUITRY

Justice -- NYMPHO JOGGERS FROM HELL or PLANET 34-D

The Battle -- NOT NOW, BONZO, I HAVE A HEADACHE

Hide and Q -- THE MAN WHO WOULD BE Q

Haven -- AUNTIE MAME IN SPACE

The Big Goodbye -- TRON TREK

Datalore -- EVIL TWIN BROTHER SKIPPY

Angel One -- ATTACK OF THE KILLER BIMBOS

11001001 -- <CR> (Carriage Return) or YES, WILL RIKER, BLOW YOUR HORN

Too Short a Season -- TOO LONG AN EPISODE

When the Bough Breaks -- AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR BIRTH CONTROL

Homesoil -- RIKER OF ARABIA or THIS GALAXY AIN'T BIG ENUF

Coming of Age -- WESLEY CRUSHER: SPACE CADET

Heart of Glory -- I HAVE A TURTLE ON MY HEAD AND I MUST SCREAM

The Arsenal of Freedom -- CAL WORTHINGTON'S USED WEAPONS

Symbiosis -- ELECTRIC COKE DEALERS FROM HELL

Skin of Evil -- THE TAR BABY: YAR'S SONG OF THE SOUTH

We'll Always Have Paris -- LET'S DO THE TIME WARP....AGAIN

Conspiracy -- KILLER WORMS FROM PLANET CRONENBERG

The Neutral Zone -- REAL ROMULANS DON'T EAT QUICHE

The Child -- YOU LIGHT UP MY LEG

Where Silence Has Lease -- OUTER LIMITS REJECT (FROM HELL, OF COURSE)

Elementary, Dear Data -- TEATIME WITH MORIARTY

The Outrageous Okona -- HAN SOLO'S NEW LOOK or HEEEEEERE'S DATA!

Loud as a Whisper -- A CHORUS LINE

The Schizoid Man -- SPLITZOID SCHIZOID ANDROID

Unnatural Selection -- REQUIEM FOR THE DEADLY YEARS

---And, if that wasn't enough, titles for the Trek Movies---

STAR TREK I: I WANT MY MOMMY

STAR TREK II: LITTLE MAD SCREAMING HEEBIE-JEEBIES IN MY EAR

STAR TREK III: DON'T TELL *ME* WHAT THE WORD IS

STAR TREK IV: THE GREENPEACE COMMERCIAL

STAR TREK V: SAREK SLEEPS AROUND


 
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