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What Star Trek's sub- titles SHOULD be...
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
The REAL Episode Titles
By J. Shaun Lyon, David Johnson, the USS Tradition and Enterprise America
Ever notice how the "real" episode titles are sorely missing from Star Trek:
The Next Generation. Sometimes they just don't feel like they belong. Well,
in place of those printed titles, how about some better ones?
Encounter at Farpoint -- YOUNG JELLYFISH IN LOVE
The Naked Now -- YOUR CABIN OR MINE or FULLY FUNCTIONAL
Code of Honor -- JAMAICAN MUD WRESTLING
The Last Outpost -- MANNY, MOE AND JACK ON VACATION
Where No One Has Gone Before -- TINKERBELL LIVES or STAR TREK GOES WISHPOWER
Lonely Among Us -- SPACE KOOTIES or HE'S COMING THROUGH THE CIRCUITRY
Justice -- NYMPHO JOGGERS FROM HELL or PLANET 34-D
The Battle -- NOT NOW, BONZO, I HAVE A HEADACHE
Hide and Q -- THE MAN WHO WOULD BE Q
Haven -- AUNTIE MAME IN SPACE
The Big Goodbye -- TRON TREK
Datalore -- EVIL TWIN BROTHER SKIPPY
Angel One -- ATTACK OF THE KILLER BIMBOS
11001001 -- <CR> (Carriage Return) or YES, WILL RIKER, BLOW YOUR HORN
Too Short a Season -- TOO LONG AN EPISODE
When the Bough Breaks -- AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR BIRTH CONTROL
Homesoil -- RIKER OF ARABIA or THIS GALAXY AIN'T BIG ENUF
Coming of Age -- WESLEY CRUSHER: SPACE CADET
Heart of Glory -- I HAVE A TURTLE ON MY HEAD AND I MUST SCREAM
The Arsenal of Freedom -- CAL WORTHINGTON'S USED WEAPONS
Symbiosis -- ELECTRIC COKE DEALERS FROM HELL
Skin of Evil -- THE TAR BABY: YAR'S SONG OF THE SOUTH
We'll Always Have Paris -- LET'S DO THE TIME WARP....AGAIN
Conspiracy -- KILLER WORMS FROM PLANET CRONENBERG
The Neutral Zone -- REAL ROMULANS DON'T EAT QUICHE
The Child -- YOU LIGHT UP MY LEG
Where Silence Has Lease -- OUTER LIMITS REJECT (FROM HELL, OF COURSE)
Elementary, Dear Data -- TEATIME WITH MORIARTY
The Outrageous Okona -- HAN SOLO'S NEW LOOK or HEEEEEERE'S DATA!
Loud as a Whisper -- A CHORUS LINE
The Schizoid Man -- SPLITZOID SCHIZOID ANDROID
Unnatural Selection -- REQUIEM FOR THE DEADLY YEARS
---And, if that wasn't enough, titles for the Trek Movies---
STAR TREK I: I WANT MY MOMMY
STAR TREK II: LITTLE MAD SCREAMING HEEBIE-JEEBIES IN MY EAR
STAR TREK III: DON'T TELL *ME* WHAT THE WORD IS
STAR TREK IV: THE GREENPEACE COMMERCIAL
STAR TREK V: SAREK SLEEPS AROUND
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