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Possible TNG Season 4 openers??
#: 85825 S2/Star Trek
27-Jun-90 08:14:48
Sb: #BoBW-Scary Theories
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: <David L. Gold> 73177,1161
Riker: Fire.
Worf: What?
Riker: Fire, Mr. Worf!
Worf: Oh, I thought you said "liar".
Data: That would be a non-sequiter, Worf. I believe Commander Riker...
Troi: I sense...great tension on the ship. I feel...like a beer.
Riker: Everyone shut up! Now, Mr. Worf...
Locutus: I...am Locutus. I...am Borg. Really. I am.
Beverly: Jean Luc! Jean Luc! Jean Luc!
At that moment the entire crew join Beverly chanting the captain's name.
Locutus blinks, then smiles. Ah-ha! He's recovering his identity.
Crew: Jean Luc! Jean Luc! Jean Luc!
Shelby: Everyone! He's adapting! Change key! Mr. Crusher...you shout "Picard"
instead.
Riker: Hey! I'm in charge here! I get to shout Picard!
Locutus: I...want to tell you about the new Pontiac Sunbird.
Troi: It's working! I sense...a commercial!
-----commercial----
#: 86346 S2/Star Trek
28-Jun-90 16:38:50
Sb: #86331-BoBW-Scary Theories
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Bill Harkins 71337,2263
Alternate season premiere:
Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. Q: Tahhh dahhhhhhhhh! Riker: Wha...? Beverly: It's that
stupid supr being with unlimited powers again. Shelby: Who? Q: Wrong show,
dear. Geordi: Not you again. Q: Yep. That little ol' plot savior me. Here to
rescue you at the very
last minute. Riker: You can't do that. I just made a major decision! You
heard it.
didn't you? Troi: Yeah, yeah. We all heard you. So what? Riker: What do
you mean? Beverly: Well, now that Q's here... Q: I can do anything I want.
Beverly: Exactly. Riker: But... Q: <snap> And heeeeeeeere's Jean-ie! Picard:
(pulling down his shirt) Number One! What do mean "Fire."?!? Riker:
I...uh...well you were getting back to warp and the weapon was... Wes: It was
HIS idea! He made me! Data: That is essentially correct Captain. Although Wes,
being the little
whiney genious he is, did have significant input. Beverly: Oh, Jean Luc!
(throwing arms around him) Picard: Dr. Crusher. (pulling her heaving body off
himself) Q: Gotta go. Bye. Shelby: But the Borg are still out there! Q: Hey,
it's not like I have an hour of commercial television to fill.
Ta! Borg: Commercial television is irrelevant.
---commercial---
#: 86562 S2/Star Trek
29-Jun-90 09:31:28
Sb: #86380-"Both Worlds" Theories
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Chris Keavy 76100,2111 (X)
ONE MORE TIME!
Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. Shelby: (snidely mimicking) Mr. Worf. Fire. Mr. Worf.
Fire. Riker: (leering at her) All right! That's it! Transporter room? O'Brien:
Transporter ready, Commander. Riker: Energize.
Shelby's form wavers and disappears from the bridge, reappering
aboard the Borg ship next to Locutus. Shelby: What the..? Riker, you
worm! Get me out of here! Riker?!? Wes: Hey, cool. Good one! Geordi: All right!
Troi: I sense great annoyance from the Borg. Riker: No duh, Deanna. Okay, Mr.
Worf. Now.
A flash of searing light fills the screen. The bridge is rocked
by the explosion. Wes: Neat! Beverly: Oh, Jean Luc. How I shall miss
you... Jean Luc: (appearing before the screen) Make it so... Beverly: Jean Luc!
Crew: (in unison) Captain Picard! Riker: How did you escape? Jean Luc:
I...uh...help me gt this laser off.
Riker and Geordi remove the headgear. Jean Luc: Right before you fired,
Shelby kicked the Borg in the crotch,
pinned her communicator on me and...well...here I am. Wes: Wow.
Neato. Jean Luc: Yes, Mr. Crusher. And convenient. Will you stay, Will? Riker:
'Natch. What else would I do, guest shots on Matlock?
#: 87456 S2/Star Trek
02-Jul-90 08:10:34
Sb: #87049-#"Both Worlds" Theories
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Delia M. Turner 74007,534
Season Premiere - The Fourth
Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. Worf: Where? Riker: At the Borg! Worf: There's a fire on
the Borg's ship? Shelby: Fire at will, Mr. Worf! Data: Why should Mr. Worf fire
at Commander Riker? That does not compute. Wes: Geez, Data. You sound like that
robot on Lost In Space. Data: Lost in space? Troi: Oooh, I loved that show!
Remember? (standing and waving her arms) Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!
Riker: Deanna! Locutus: I...have such an itch. Beverly: Jean Luc! It's me! It's
Beverly! Try and remember! Riker: Stop that! I said "Fire" and I mean it. Now
Fire, Mr. Worf! Worf: Where? Beverly: Come back to us, Jean Luc. You can do it!
Locutus: Beverly? Beverly: Say it, Jean Luc. There's no place like home!
There's no place like home! Locutus:
There's...no...place...like...home....There's...no...place... Beverly: Click
your heels, Jean Luc! Locutus:...like...home...There's...no...place(clickclick)
There is a flash of light and Jean Luc is on the bridge. Troi: You did
it! Jean Luc: (to Worf) I think I missed you most of all, lion. (to Data) and
you too, Tin Man. (To Riker) Not you so much, scarecrow.
#: 87567 S2/Star Trek
02-Jul-90 16:14:38
Sb: #87531-"Both Worlds" Theories
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: S.L. Jim Shaun Lyon 72571,3002
Season Premiere: The Musical Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. Worf:
Riiiiiiii-ker! Huh! What is he good for? Shelby: Ab-so-lute-ly nothing!
Worf: Say it again. Riker! Huh! Good God! What is he good for? Troi:
Ab-so-lute-ly All: Nothing! Worf: Whoa whoa whoa whoa... Locutus:
Resistance is futile. Death is irrelevant. Beverly: What about Love?
Locutus: I...I...I wanna know what Love is! Crew: La la la la
Locutus: I want you to show me! Crew: La la la la Locutus: I wanna know
what love is! I know you can show meeeeeeee...... Data: The human nature of
Capt. Picard seems to be having some effect on the Borg. Troi: You
mean..? Locutus: I'm only human...of flesh and blood I'm ma-ade. I'm
only huuuuumaaaannn, born to make mistaaaaaaakes.... Beverly: What you
want...you know I got...what you need....you know I got it...all I'm
askin'....is for a little Respect when you come home Troi/Shelby: Just a...just
a...just a....just a....just a little bit! Just a little bit! Beverly: R E S P
E C T, find out what it means to me! R E S P E C T... (A huge flash fills
the screen. Picard is once again on the bridge. The Borg are gone.) Geordi:
That flash of light! Troi: What is it Geordi? Geordi: I can see clearly now
my frames are gone. I can see all obsticles in my waaaaaaaayyyyyyy....
Troi: Every move you make. Every breath you take. Every leaf you rake, every
cake you bake I'll be sensing yooooooouuuuuu... Picard: Beverly! You're
love saved me! Beverly: Oh, Jean Luc! Data: I don't understand.
Beverly: What's that Data? Data: What's love got to do, got to do with it?
What's love...but a second-hand emooooootionnnnnn?
#: 88406 S2/Star Trek
05-Jul-90 07:48:19
Sb: #87953-#"Both Worlds" Theories
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Diane Davis/J.Ticer 73067,3654 (X)
Just for you: Season Premiere V:Where No One Has Gone Before Riker: Mr. Worf.
Fire. Beverly: No, wait! Let me try appealling to his human side!
Riker: Isn't that what you've been doing this whole time? Beverly:
Jean Luc! It's Beverly. Listen to me. Locutus: Beverly is irrelevant.
Beverly: Jean Luc! Look at me! Oh, how I long to feel your arms holding me,
pressing your body against mine. Just you and I...together...in the
holodeck...doing strange and wonderful things on Pillsbury, the planet made
entirely of lime-flavored jello Wes: Mom! Troi: Hush, Wesley. I
sense...confusion, Keep going Beverly! Beverly: I need you! Oh, Jean Luc, how I
ache to lick the sweat from your brow. Wes: Gross, mom.
Locutus: Lime-flavored jello is irrelevant. Licking is irrelevant. Riker:
Don't knock it 'til... Troi: Will! Riker: (shrugging) Well? Beverly:
I will comfort your pains and ease your struggles. I will be everything you
desire, everything you need. I'll wash your socks. Worf: Go for it!
Locutus: My socks? Uh, that is, our socks? Data: Locutus appears to be
swayed by your arguments, Dr. Crusher. Perhaps if you were to disrobe? Geordi:
Do you think it'll work? Data: Worth a shot. Beverly: Remember, Jean
Luc? In your cabin? You and I? Riker: (to Troi) But wasn't that his
double? Troi: Hey, any port in a storm. Shelby: Stand aside, Doctor. Let me
try! Troi: Get a grip, Shelby. Beverly:Jean Luc! Locutus: Beverly!
Beverly: Jean Luc! The Borg: Beverly! Beverly: Uhhhhhhhh... The Borg:
Wash our socks! Beverly: But I didn't...just Jean Luc was...uh... Troi: Uh
oh. The Borg: Beverly, wash our socks! Lick our brow! Riker: What is it?
What's happening? Troi: She's gotten through to his human side.
Unfortunately it wasn't completely dislodged from the Borg identity and now...
Wes: Mom! You're a Borg bimbo! Borg: Jello! Jello! Jello!
Geordi: Now what? Beverly: Well, I guess it's time to boldly go... All:
...where no one has gone before! Wes: Whooooosh!
#: 88430 S2/Star Trek
05-Jul-90 10:00:30
Sb: #87579-#Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Bill Harkins 71337,2263
Season Premiere 6:Shatner Bashing Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. Worf:
Firin.... (suddenly a flash of light, a noise like a harp played backwards in
slow motion and...) Kirk: Hold everything! I'm in charge here. Riker:
Who're...Admiral Kirk? Kirk: Yes. It's me. Back where I belong. I'll never give
this ship up! Ha Ha Ha! Shelby: No fair! I thought Riker was bad
enough...now you! Kirk: Hmmmmm. Shelby, isn't it? Have you ever seen the moons
of Rigel IV? Perhaps you and I could.... Shelby: Oh, ick! You're like, what,
300 years old or something? Locutus: Sex is irrelevant. Kirk: Speak
for yourself, laser head. Troi: Will, be careful. I sense great ego and
self-satisfaction from the Admiral. Worf:Should I kill him? Riker:
I...uh... Worf: Hey, c'mon! You just wanted to blow the Captain away not
two minutes ago. What's a Star Fleet Admiral, more or less? I haven't got to
kill anything for a long time... Geordi: Don't whine. It's unbecoming.
Worf: Klingons do not...whine. Kirk: Okay. Scotty! Get to the Jeffries tube and
play with that screwdriver thingy. Uhura! Open Hailing frequencies! Chekov!
Practice saying "vessels"! McCoy! Don't argue, man, pull out a salt shaker and
wave it around while arching your left brow! Troi: He's out of control.
Will! Do something! Data: Sensors indicate the Borg ship is getting ready to
either warp or become a giant Rubik's Cube. Locutus: Farewell! Farewell!
Parting is such sweet sorrow... Kirk: Wait! Was that Shakespeare? I'm a
Shakespearean trained actor! To be or not to be, THAT...is...the...question.
Locutus: What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet...
Troi: They seem to be having some sort of...act-off. Riker: Oooo. This is
not going to be pretty. Wes: For sure! Capt. Picard has that great accent and
everything. Data: Yes. And Admiral Kirk must overcome a huge handicap.
Geordi: What's that? All: Ego! Kirk: (falsetto) Romeo, Romeo. Where for
art THOU...Ro...me...o! Troi: Ugh. to be cont.?
#: 88471 S2/Star Trek
05-Jul-90 13:20:00
Sb: #88460-Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: TCol. 71660,2356 (X)
Season Premiere 7(!): Crusher Bashing by request --------------- Riker: Mr.
Worf. Fire. Beverly: Wait! Wes! Son! Can't you think of anything?
Shelby: Him? He can't even stay awake. Data: Oh, no, Commander. On more than
one occasion Ensign Crusher has proved to be quite a useful plot device.
Shelby: How do you mean? Troi: Well, say for instance that I
and Will have been abducted by Ferengi. There's very little chance that
anything we were to do could possibly save us. But then, Commander Riker
adjusts some harmonics or something, mimicking some obscure instrument heard
in Ten Forward for just a bit, and who do you think is the only person in the
galaxy to figure it out? Shelby: Really? Troi: Yes! And with only a
few minutes left in the show! Now watch. He'll sort of wrinkle his brow
and grimace and think of something... (Everyone watches Wes think. Even
Locutus, who focuses his beam on Wesley's incredibly small head)
Wes:(standing) Borg! I am Wesley Cru...Ensign Wesley Crusher. If you do not
release Capt. Picard and turn around right now, leaving mankind in peace and
allowing me the opportunity to act humble again, I shall spew forth a colossal
jumble of confusing technical jargon, so convoluted and far-fetched that not
even I, boy genius that I am... Beverly: Teen genius, dear. Wes.
Yes, mom. Anyway, where was I..? Data: Spewing jargon. Wes: Ah. Not even I
will be able to understand it, let alone anyone watching. I will make it seem
like I've just thought it up off the top of my head, filling it with
multi-syllabic words and pseudo-scientific overtones. You have been warned.
(A wavering appears on the bridge. Capt. Picard, naked, stands exposed to
everyone. The Borg ship hightails it at great speed out of the galaxy toward
points unknown.) Beverly: All right! Good going, son! Naked and
everything! Wes: Oh, mommmmmmmm...
#: 88720 S2/Star Trek
06-Jul-90 10:22:48
Sb: #88521-#Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Sue Petersen 71650,3306 (X)
Season Premiere #8: Scraping the Barrel (Somebody Help Me!) Riker:Mr. Worf.
Fire. Worf: The weapon is engaged. <A deep, low, ominous hum begins to
build. All eyes are riveted to the screen, still showing Locutus and various
Borgs standing motionless. The hum grows overbearing and a huge blast of
blinding light envelops the screen as the crew avert their eyes, surprised by
the sudden intensity of the beam. The bridge is rocked. Riker is thrown into
the captain's chair as Shelby scrambles to get hold of something. Data's board
explodes in a shower of sparks, throwing him to the floor.> Riker: Red Alert!
Troi: I sense great stress! I sense lots and lots of stress! Tons of it!
Riker: Status, Mr. Worf! Worf: I hit my funnybone on the panel and it smarts.
I think I tore my uniform. Riker: The ship! Status of the Ship! Worf: Oh.
Sensors are inoperative. Decks 4 and 7 report heavy damage but no casualties.
10 Forward is a mess. The food processors are spewing Twinkies and there's
creamy filling all over... Shelby: Look! The Borg! <All eyes focus on the
screen. The Borg ship has suffered heavy damage. A huge chunk has been blown
totally away, while the remaining sections continue to be lit by small
explosions.> Wes: Neat! Shelby: I told you it would work! Hee hee tee hee! Am I
good or what? Riker: Mr. Data. Lifesigns aboard the Borg ship? Data: Can I
get up first, do you think? Riker: Oh, sorry. Data: Confirming Mr. Worf's
report. Sensors are inoperable. Beverly: Jean Luc... Geordi: Warp drive is
out, Commander. We aren't going anywhere for a while. Riker: Oh, great! Fine!
I finally get my own ship and it's broken! Worf: Commander! We are being
hailed...by the Borg. Riker: On screen. <The scene on the Borg ship has not
changed. Locutus still stands motionless and attentive>
#: 88721 S2/Star Trek
06-Jul-90 10:23:16
Sb: #88521-#Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Sue Petersen 71650,3306 (X)
<Cont'd> Locutus: Now, I know you think you've seen it all. I'm offering you
not only this fabulous set of steak knives and the dripless chicken broiler,
but the hand mixer and the miracle Stainerator all for one low price! Riker:
Wha...? Troi: I sense... confusion. Riker: Gee, I wonder why. Troi: No,
no. The Borg. They've
..changed. Something in Capt. Picard's...uniqueness. They're altered.
Something... Locutus: You still want more? How about this sandwich cooker
that...seals in flavor and freshness? Now what would you pay? Geordi: He sounds
like a salesman. Data: The coloquialisms are reminiscent of late 20th Century
Earth. I believe it was called cablespeak. Wes: Cablespeak? Data: Yes. During
that period, there was an entertainment forum called cable television. Prior to
the millenium, there was an overabundance of it, stemming primarily from a
profusion of hour-long commercials for cheap, easily copied small appliances
and cleaning fluids. Whole populations were lulled into inactivity which
eventually lead to the collapse of Western Civilization. Wes: Oh. Riker: So,
what does this mean? What do the Borg... Data: I believe they are attempting
to bore us into submission. Locutus: See, my kids just love these little
pizza sandwiches. And it's so easy! Even my four-year-old can do it. And if you
call now, you'll get a recipe booklet filled with quick, simple ideas...
Worf: Make it stop! Make it stop! I can't stand it! Turn it off! Locustus:
Just use lo-fat milk and a quick whipping from the Kitchen Magician and...there
you have a diet dessert that I guarantee everyone will love. Or add some fruit
or berries for a taste treat that can't be beat! <Locutus continues his
shpiel until, little by little, the Borg's diabolical plan takes effect. The
entire crew sit glassy-eyed and obedient, placing orders for useless items
again and again until the ship is filled with Borg hand blenders, Borg Dripless
Chicken Roasters, Borg Stain Removers...>
#: 88829 S2/Star Trek
06-Jul-90 16:13:56
Sb: #88787-Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Jim Wright (WPCorp) 71220,3637 (X)
Season Premiere 9: Chairman of the Borg Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire.
<blackout> Geordi: Hey! What happened to the lights? Riker: Everyone
stay where they are. Worf, status please? Worf: I'm standing about ten feet
behind you. My knee itches and I really feel the need to kill something.
Riker: Status of the ship, Mr. Worf. Worf: Gee, I'd say it's dark. What
about you, Data? Wouldn't you say it was dark? Data: I would have to concur
with Mr. Worf's assessment. Wes? Wes: Yep. Dark as night. Well, I mean, if
there were no stars or anything and someone wrapped your head in a towel and...
Riker: Thank you. You're all a tremendous help. Worf, Data, Wes: You're
welcome. Shelby: Look! There! What does it say? Riker: What? I can't
hear you over those drums. Shelby: Those words there. Ouch. Riker:
I told you not to move. Data: They appear to say..."To be continued"
followed by three dots. Riker: Can't anybody get power? Geordi? Geordi:
Hey, don't look at me. Oops, bad choice of words. I mean, I can't see anything.
On the other hand, I AM blind. But...you get the drift. Riker: Damn it! Here I
finally get the ship, something really great, I mean, horrible happens, I make
a command decision and we're stuck in the dark. Shelby: Awwwwww. Ain't life
a bitch? Riker: No, but you... Beverly: Look! The words have changed! Now it
says...it's a name. Gene Roddenberry. Gene Roddenberry? Wes: What can it
mean? Data: According to lore, words that appear in midair sculpted from
fire are sent by God. Perhaps this is a message from a supreme intellegence.
Troi: But those aren't printed in fire. They're just...hanging there. Data:
That is a valid argument. Perhaps it is from a...lessor supreme imtellegence.
Worf: And his name...is Gene. Give me a break. Wes: What should we do? Riker:
What CAN we do? We can't move or we'll run into things and get scrapes and
bruises and ruin our uniforms. Wes: Good point! Riker: So, we wait...until
this Gene person decides what will...<commercial>
#: 89139 S2/Star Trek
07-Jul-90 12:22:07
Sb: #89017-Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Roo Lindemann 75300,215
Season Premiere X: Wish Fulfillment Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. Worf:
Commander! Sensors indicate another Federation Starship has entered the
quadrant. Riker: Damn! Hail her, Mr. Worf. Worf: It is...the Enterprise!
Riker: Not again! Data, any silly string around? Data: You mean super string?
No, no indications of any cloudy formations or space-time warps or any other
highly convenient, barely believable plot devices on my instuments. Riker:
Open, Mr. Worf. Worf: Hailing frequencies open. Riker: This is Commander
William Riker, acting Captain of the Starship Enterprise. We are... Uhura:
Stand by please... Kirk: This is Admiral James T. Kirk of the U.S.S.
Enterprise. The real one. The one where the saucer stays right where it
belongs. Prepare to be boarded. Riker: This is highly irregular, Admiral. We
are engaged in... Kirk: I am well aware of your situation, Mister. I am
coming over. Kirk out. Riker: Mr. O'Brian. Stand by to recieve... O'Brian:
They're already on their way to the bridge, Commander Shelby: They? <the
turbolift doors open and out steps Kirk, Spock, Scotty, McCoy, Checkov, Sulu
and Uhura. They are all very old, very over-weight, but still wearing their
original uniforms and maintaining their original Star Fleet rank> Kirk: One
side, Riker. I am in command here. Riker: But...this isn't EVEN fair! Why
does this keep happening to me? Kirk: Because you're a wimp and a whiner,
Riker. Spock, relieve...that yellow guy. The one who looks jaundiced. Uhura,
put your finger in your ear and open hailing frequencies. Sulu, Checkov, sit in
some chairs and stare forward. Scotty, get down to engineering and tell me you
can't possibly do anything but do it just the same. I'm baaaaa-aaaack. <Sulu
takes Wes's chair> Sulu: Excuse me. Wes: But...I'm an Ensign! I get to sit
here! Sulu: Kid, I've been with the Federation for over 100 years and I'm
still sitting in this same spot. Don't hold your breath. <cont.>
#: 89140 S2/Star Trek
07-Jul-90 12:22:33
Sb: #89017-Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Roo Lindemann 75300,215
<cont'd> Troi: Captain Spock? You look horrible! I mean, no offense but, your
dad was here this year and HE looked better than you. Spock: Well, I've been
dead, you know. I think I look pretty good for a dead guy, don't you? I don't
suppose Sarek mentioned that he'd died? Troi: No. Spock: Because he
DIDN'T! I DID! Now LAY OFF! Riker: How did you manage to appear just in this
area, just now? Isn't that a bit...you know... Checkov: Well, Kiptin...
Riker: Commander. Not Captain. Yet. Checkov: Ah. You see, commander, we always
do this. It's in our contract. We'll always be on the Enterprise, we'll always
be conveniently the only ship near a potential galactic disaster, we'l always
have the same rank, sit in the same chairs, maintain a light-hearted
comraderie, even in the face of insurmountable odds... Shelby: Doesn't that
get tedious? Checkov: It pays the bills...Admiral! The Borg wessel... Kirk:
Vessel! V! V! Like Vladimir! Checkov: The...w...ship is preparing to varp.
Kirk: Scotty! Hey! Where's the chair instruments? How do I talk to Scotty
without... Data: I think if you try touching your insignia, you'll find...
Kirk: <doing just that> Like this? Scotty? Scotty: Scott here. Kirk: Neat!
Scotty, I need warp power in two minutes or we're all dead! Wes: No we're
not. Kirk: Shut up, kid, I know what I'm doing! Scotty: Admiral! There be
whales down here! Kirk: What?!? Geordi: I think I'd better go help him.
I'm not sure he's not referring to himself... Worf: Ooo, low blow. McCoy:
So, you're the ship's doctor, eh? Beverly: Yes. McCoy: What about this
Pulaski business? Beverly: Oh, that. She was only here a year. I don't
really know anything about that. McCoy: I see. Well, all I can say is, I signed
on for a five year mission and I'm STILL here. When you sign onto the
Enterprise you're here for life! Riker: Tell me about it... <cont.>
#: 89141 S2/Star Trek
07-Jul-90 12:23:01
Sb: #89017-Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Roo Lindemann 75300,215
<cont'd part 3> Locutus: Your attempts at sabotage are futile. We shall
demonstrate our superiority and... Kirk: Hold it right there, baldy. This is
Admiral James Kirk in command of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Again.
Ummmmmmm...I must inform you, in accordance with Star Fleet directives, that
this ship is constructed of corbomite and any... Riker: What? Not that again!
Jeez, even Wes knows that old trick! Locutus: Our patiance is at an end.
Prepare to... Kirk: Wait! Transporter room, beam me aboard the old
Enterprise. I'll pilot it down that thing's throat just like the time...
Data: Begging the Admiral's pardon, but the Borg ship has no "throat". And it
would be unwise to... Kirk: Okay! Okay! Give me a sec. Uhhhhh...what if we play
dead and... Spock: Been done. Kirk:Wellllllll...anybody got a spare tribble
we could beam over? A humpback, maybe? Spock: I don't see what good a
humpback tribble would... Shelby: Admiral! We have a weapon prepared! If
you'll let Mr. Worf just... Kirk: Hey! Who's in charge here, anyway? Say,
Shelby, anyone ever tell you that you bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain
yeoman who... Riker: Admiral! Please! Locutus: You shall learn to
service...us. You shall be our...Mr. Goodwrench. You will obey.... Kirk: All
right. Fire the damn thing. Anything to shut him up. <The usual fireworks,
flashes. The crew of the old Enterprise fly all over the bridge, leaning to and
fro. The new crew jostles a bit> Worf: Oops. Kirk: My ship! You destroyed my
ship! Worf: I said 'Oops', didn't I? Kirk: Damn Klingon. Who let them in the
Federation anyway? Nothing but a bunch of low-life, good-for-nothing...
Scotty: Admiral, there be whales...! Kirk: Will you shut up already? My
ship...my ship... Riker: Oh, like you never blew up an Enterprise before. How
soon they forget. Kirk: But that was...and this...my ship... McCoy: Jim!
Get a hold of yourself! Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a shrink! You've got to
let go... <cont.>
#: 89142 S2/Star Trek
07-Jul-90 12:23:15
Sb: #89017-#Season Opener Scripts
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Roo Lindemann 75300,215
<cont'd. pt 4> Sulu: He's right, Admiral. Maybe we should let them handle
things now. Uhura: I am awfully tired of opening these damn hailing
frequencies. Spock: I must agree, Admiral. I'm pretty sick of being stuck in
these situations with the same faces over and over. It's time. Kirk: But my
public...all those little faces out there in the dark. What about them?
McCoy: There'll always be books and reruns...videotape. Our glory days will
never be forgotten. Spock: Let go, Jim. Kirk: Perhaps you're right. I'm
tired too. I just thought...one last time...the Enterprise. <Kirk stands and
joins the others in the turbolift> Riker: Attention! Admiral on the bridge!
<The Next Generation stands and salutes the departing company. The doors glide
closed. Wes, Data, Troi and company assume their accustomed positions> Riker:
Mr Worf? Worf: Commander? Riker: Let's kick some
butt..........................Fire.
#: 89363 S2/Star Trek
07-Jul-90 20:40:56
Sb: #88720-#Season Opener Scripts
Fm: S.L. Bob Hovorka 74156,203
To: Lance Arthur 76535,1023 (X)
Waitaminute! That one's liable to happen...
Riker: Mr. Worf, fire!
Shelby: Belay that!
Riker (considering): Okay. I'll be on the holodeck. Do nothing until I
return!
(Runs to holodeck, leaving everyone looking stunned)
Riker: Computer, engage simulation of NCC-1701-A, bridge, officers present.
(Striped walls give way to the bridge of the A-series Enterprise. Kirk sits
in the center seat, Spock and McCoy stand on either side. Riker gives a
brief account of The Situation.)
Kirk: Hmmm. What do you think, Spock?
Spock: Fascinating. Clearly, the needs of the many out-weigh the needs of
the few.
Kirk: Or the one. (turns to Riker) You were right the first time.
Riker (slapping chest communicator): Worf, I double-checked. Fire!
TTFN, Bob H.
#: 90595 S2/Star Trek
11-Jul-90 09:25:29
Sb: #90401-As Both Worlds Turn
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: <David L. Gold> 73177,1161 (X)
Season Premiere XI: Allenisms - Riker: Mr. Worf.<the camera zooms up from the
floor. We almost enter Riker's nose> Fire. Worf: Commander! Another ship has
entered the quadrant! Riker: Hold your fire! Damn! Hail that ship, Mr. Worf.
Who the hell... <Meanwhile, aboard the other ship...> Dr. Smith: We're
doomed...doomed... Robot: <flailing arms wildly, his red claw-like pinchers
sailing thru the air> Warning! Warning! Large enemy ship in area! Extreme
danger of far better special effects than we could ever hope to match! Warning!
Dr. Smith: Whooooaaaaggghhhh! Will: Oh, Dr. Smith, calm down. Dad'll handle
everything. Dr. Smith: Oh, Will. Perhaps I forgot to mention. I accidently
sent Major Robinson into space in his big aluminum-foil spacesuit! Then, the
lovely Mrs. Robinson, crying "Timmy! Timmy!" for some reason beyond my
understanding, donned her own shapely spacesuit and went out after him...
Penny: Dr. Smith! How could you!?! Dr. Smith: It's my purpose in life. If I
weren't here to continually screw you all over due to my overwhelming greed or
overinflated ego nothing would happen! Robot: Danger Will Robinson! Danger!
Dr. Smith: Silence, you great ninny! I'm sure Will can figure a way out of
this! Penny: Well, I'll leave. I guess I'll take Bloop below and make us some
dinner or some other womanly duty that we got away with while cringing in fear
at the slightest sign of danger. Dr. Smith: I thought that was my job.
Will: No, no. You're just overly effeminate. Bloop: Bloop! Bloop! <Penny
enters the elevator on the Jupiter 2 and goes below> Robot: I suggest we try
and communicate with that other rather graceful and well-lit ship. Dr. Smith:
I, Dr. Zachery Smith, will attempt to communicate with these obviously
far-advanced aliens. Will: I don't think... Dr. Smith: Tish, tosh, my boy.
Robot: Oooooooohhhh... Dr. Smith: This is Dr. Zachery Smith of the Jupiter 2.
From the planet Earth. Ah, Earth. Beautiful, wonderful Earth. Will: Give me
that, Dr. Smith...<cont'd>
#: 90596 S2/Star Trek
11-Jul-90 09:25:57
Sb: #90402-As Both Worlds Turn
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: <David L. Gold> 73177,1161 (X)
<cont'd> Will: This is Will Robinson. My mother and father have been accidently
ejected into space. My two sisters are cringing with fear in the galley. I
don't know where Don is, he may not be in this episode. I am from Earth. <on
the Enterprise...> Worf: We are being hailed. Riker: On screen. <Will, Robot
and Dr. Smith appear on the forward viewscreen staring off to their right>
Riker: This is Commander William Riker of the Federation Starship Enterprise.
We are engaged in a battle with the Borg. Advise you leave this quadrant at
once. Will: We can't! We haven't encountered any space monsters or people
painted metallic yet. Riker: He's just a boy! What's he doing in charge?
Wes: Gee, how'd he do that? I thought I was the only boy-genius in this galaxy!
Riker: Prepare for transport. We'll beam you over. Will: Beam me over? What's
that mean? I'll take out the shuttle and come over... Riker: There's no time!
Mr. O'Brien? Do you have a lock? O'Brien: Well, yeah. Riker: Energize. <The
Lost in Space gang appear on the transporter pads looking confused and
embarressed to be dressed in those far-out 60's outfits.> Bloop: Bloop! Bloop!
Dr. Smith: We're doomed. O'Brien: We have them, sir. Will: Wow! Great effects!
And look at this set, will you? O'Brien: Commander Riker requests you on the
bridge. Use the turbolift. Penny: Where's the kitchen? <On the bridge>
Locutus: Like we said, you will learn to service...us. Troi: He sure is good
at those dramatic pauses. <The turbolift doors swish open and Robot, Dr. Smith
and Will walk onto the bridge> Will: Whoa. Now THIS is a spaceship. Worf:
Starship. Dr. Smith: Augh! A vicious and...ugly alien being! Where can I
scuttle off to so I can wring my hands and whimper? Will: Oh, Dr. Smith.
He's obviously intelligent. I'll try and communicate with him. I am Will
Robinson. From Earth. What is your name? Worf: Your joking, right? What are
you, stupid? Will: No, just throwbacks to another television era. Neat
make-up! (cont'd)...
#: 90597 S2/Star Trek
11-Jul-90 09:26:24
Sb: #90402-As Both Worlds Turn
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: <David L. Gold> 73177,1161 (X)
(cont'd pt 3) Dr. Smith: William perhaps I...<spotting Shelby> hello. I am Dr.
Zachery Smith and you are...? Shelby: Repulsed. Wes: Hey, you! Kid! C'mere!
Will: Yes? Wes: Ever pilot a Starship before? Will: No. But I've been
cloned, met an outer-space junk man, avoided several near scrapes with
lifeforms from planets that all look the same and always manage to save the
show by the end. Wes: Wow. And I thought I was improbable! Data:
Interesting. A robot. Tell me, how can you relate to humans in this form?
Robot: I may be a robot, but at least I can use contractions. Data: Oh?
Robot: Affirmative. I'm, I'll, We'll, Let's...and I've been drunk more than
once. Data: Do not attempt to instill jealousy. I have no emotions. Robot:
No emo....ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! haaaaaaa! <Dr. Smith, for no apparent
reason, starts careening about the bridge, knocking things over and panels
start sparking and exploding> Dr. Smith: Ahhhhhhhh! Oh! Whoooooooa! Riker:
Stop that! Will: He can't help it, sir. It's his job. Riker: Worf! Phaser on
stun! Worf: Yes, sir! Yay! Finally! I get to shoot something! <Worf fires on
Dr. Smith who freezes then falls slumped to the deck> Robot: Good shooting.
Worf: Thank you. Locutus: Prepare to learn... Riker: Mr. Worf... Will:
Wait a second. I'll handle this. Listen, Borg, sir. We just want to go our way
peacefully. We're just here by accident. Can't you please let us go? Locutus:
Ohhhhhh, all right. You little scamp. Get on outta here. Will: Thanks.
Riker: What'd you do that for? Will: That's how we always ended the show.
See, we just want to go back home.
Riker: Well, we just want to explore strange new worlds. To seek out...
Troi: Careful, Commander. Not just yet. Riker: Okay. Anyway, we want to
blow these guys away, not placate them. Will: Well, why don't you do it?
Riker: 'Cause, see that guy with the laser on his head? That was our Captain.
He was well liked and a major character. We can only kill minor characters
without continuing roles...<cont'd>
#: 90598 S2/Star Trek
11-Jul-90 09:26:51
Sb: #90402-#As Both Worlds Turn
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: <David L. Gold> 73177,1161 (X)
<cont'd pt 4> Worf: What about Denise? Riker: Who? Worf: Oops. I mean
Tasha. Riker: I think there's a lesson there for all of us. Besides, the
Doctor left for a season but she didn't have to die to do it, right? Worf: I
see your point. Will: Ooooh. What a conundrum. Wes: How come I don't get to
use words like that? Riker: Because you get all the scientific jargon. Stop
whining. Robot: <to Data> It's not hard. Try it. Say 'I will'. Data: I
will. Robot: Now say it faster. Data: Iwill. Robot: Faster! Data: I'ill
Robot: Almost! Once more! Data: I'll! I'll! How silly of me! Hey everybody
listen! I'll! I'll! <Everyone stares at the aisle to see what Data is
referring to> Data: No! Listen! We'll! We'll! They're! They're! Geordi:
There's no wheel there. What are you talking about? Data: Ooooooooo, how
agrivating! Will: So, you want to blow 'em up, but you really can't because
your fans will be sorely disappointed, right? Riker:In a nutshell. Will:
Hmmmmm. Let me think. Dr. Smith: Oooohhhh, my back. The pain...the pain...
<Worf shoots him again> Will: I've got it! How do you communicate here?
Troi: Touch my chest. Will: Okay! Now, how do you communicate around here?
Riker:No fair! Worf: Hailing frequencies open. Will: Attention Borg! We
have a better spokeperson for you. If you release, what's his name? Riker:
Picard. Will: You're joking. Riker: No, no. Will:...Captain Picard, we'll
beam the replacement over. <there is silence for a time...a dramatic pause>
Borg: Compliance. <Capt. Picard's form is beamed onto the bridge
de-borgified> Riker: Now what? Will: Don't you know? Riker: I'm not very
bright. Will: Mr. O'Brien. Beam Dr. Smith over to the Borg ship. <Dr.
Smith's innert body disappears> Wes: Brilliant! Will: Was there ever any
doubt? Riker: I don't see how that improves things any. Will: Wait...
<The Borg ship suddenly explodes in a huge concussion, showering tiny Borg bits
all over> Will: It was bound to happen. Dr. Smith can't help it. Welcome back,
Captain.
#: 90626 S2/Star Trek
11-Jul-90 10:57:11
Sb: #90462-As Both Worlds Turn
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Joan Teevan 73757,2110
Season Premiere XII - Beauty and Both Worlds - Riker: Mr. Worf. Fire. <But
before he can, the turbolift doors open and a lovely young woman enters the
bridge and approaches Worf> Catherine: Oh, Vincent. I had hoped to find you
here. Come, beloved, let us away and contemplate this love we share, yet can
never share. Worf: What? Why are you whispering? Who are you? Get that hair
out of your eyes and say that again so I can hear. Catherine: Vincent, I'm
afraid. These lights are so bright. It's not nearly atmospheric enough for us
to stand together holding hands comparing Shakespeare interpretations and
wondering why, in this world of cruel beauty and painful joy, we found each
other. Worf: Look, I don't know who you think I am, but if you don't get off
the bridge, I'm going to have to kill you. Catherine: (huddling into his
chest and embracing him) Vincent. What is it? What's the matter? Have you been
drugged? Riker: Worf? Who is this woman? Catherine: Father! Worf: She is
apparently...your daughter. Catherine: Father. What is it? What's happened to
Vincent? Why are the subterrainean catacombs so light? Riker: What? I can't
hear you. And where is that music coming from? <Catherine dashes down to Riker
and takes his hands in hers> Catherine: Oh, father. I'm so worried. Vincent
appears to have been stricken with amnesia. Again. For the umpteenth time. What
has happened? Who has done this? Riker: Young woman, I don't know who you
are, but you must leave the bridge at once. Locutus: Amnesia is irrelevant.
Catherine: <Noticing Locutus for the first time> Ah! The evil nemesis with the
scarred face whose name escapes me for the moment, but whom we all assumed was
dead. You have done this! <turning to Worf> Vincent! Sic him, boy! Worf: That
is not funny. Wes: Yes it was. Catherine: But, who is this new friend? You
are not the over-weight blond kid from 'Fame'. Wes: No, 'Stand By Me'. But I
am bright and I fiddle with things. <cont'd>
#: 90627 S2/Star Trek
11-Jul-90 10:57:36
Sb: #90462-#As Both Worlds Turn
Fm: Lance Arthur 76535,1023
To: Joan Teevan 73757,2110
<cont'd> Catherine: Quickly, then. Go to the surface and bring back some
medicine for Vincent. I'd go, but it would make too much sense and wouldn't
allow you to get into trouble and create a secondary plot complication. Wes:
Oh. Okay. Riker: Sit right there mister! Catherine: Father! He must go and
bring back... Riker: Look, I'm real tired of this. Get off the bridge! <the
captain's lounge door opens and...> Vincent: Catherine. Catherine: Vincent!
<she flies into arms, getting a nail caught in his shredded clothing but loving
him for it> Vincent: Catherine. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Catherine: Oh, my Vincent. My love. You have returned. How I long to kiss your
fangs, but I shan't because it's a major plot point like Dave and Maddie on
Moonlighting and I've just realized were on the wrong set. Vincent: Come,
Catherine. Back to the sewers. Catherine: Subways. Vincent: Whatever.
<Vincent lifts Catherine and they disappear into some very atmospheric smoke as
the romantic music swells nearly to the point of gagging> Geordi: What was
THAT? Beverly: I don't know but I hope Jean Luc was paying attention. Troi:
I sense great...bunches of sloppy emotional upheavals on the parts of the women
here. Riker: Well. Anyway. Back to business. Mr. Worf? Fi... <but at that
moment Riker is enveloped in blue flame which eventually dissapates leaving him
standing looking confused> Worf: Commander? Riker<Sam>: Oh boy. <A slice
of space opens on the bridge and Dean Stockwell enters carrying what looks like
a glorified pocket calculator and dressed in loud clothing> Riker<Sam>: Al!
Where am I? Where've I leaped to this time? Al: Where no man has gone
before...
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