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Vax Trek V, the movie, The Crunchy Bits 5
Filename: p.038
Category: Star Trek (tm) parodies
Title(s): VAX Trek V The Movie
The Crunchy Bits: Episode 5
Author(s): David J. Young
Newsgroup: (email)
Poster: David J. Young
Date posted: 1989 05 22
First date published: 1989 ?? ??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
VAX Trek V The Movie: "The Crunchy Bits"
----------------------------------------
Episode 5:
----------
Captain's Log Stardate 3.1415927
--------------------------------
We are cruising at warp factor 3 in a previously uncharted corner of the
galaxy and...
Spock: "Excuse me for interrupting Captain, but must you use such simplistic
and inaccurate language? The word "corner" just has no meaning in relation
to the concepts of space and time, indeed it is even theorised that the words
space and time themselves are ultimately just labels for indescribable
and poorly understood deeper concepts."
Jim: "....You do the damn log then smarty.."
[**** BUMP !!! ****]
Jim: "..What the..."
Sulu: "Captain!..We've stoppped dead!"
Jim: "Not AGAIN!...what have you hit THIS time....Yawn...Bring up
the forward view on the screen."
Sulu: "Aye aye Captain"
Jim: "I don't believe it.....I just DON'T believe it..."
Spock: "...highly illogical.."
Sulu: "It would appear to be a large...wall..in fact..two large brick
walls...meeting at approximately 90 degrees to each other....."
Spock: "Groan..."
Jim: "Ok Spock, you're fired."
Spock: "But Captain!"
Jim: "No buts....you're off at the next Federation Starbase"
Spock: "Wait...this CAN'T be right...let me try something..."
[Fiddles with various scanner controls...]
Spock: "There! The scanners indicate the presence of 3 Klingon ships
behind the walls...It's obviously just an image thrown up by
their cloaking device."
Jim: "Klingons!..I might have known....but how can a holographic image
from a cloaking device actually feel solid?...we did get quite a
thump when we hit it after all..."
Spock: "Ah....good point"
[There is an explosion on the forward viewer and a gaping hole appears in
one of the walls...through which 3 Klingon battlecruisers emerge...]
Spock: "Bang goes that theory..if you pardon the pun"
Jim: "This is getting silly....who's writing this week's episode?"
Sulu: "Scanners indicate that it's the same writer as for the other
episodes"
Jim: "Ok...we'll trust that he can get us out of this convincingly...
Anyway....Uhura...open all hailing frequencies and make contact
with the Klingon vessels"
Uhura: "Aye aye sir..."
Jim: "...and one other thing Uhura....get that beard seen to"
Uhura: (Standing up suddenly brandishing a phaser) "Grrrrr! Ok I've had
enough of you Kirk......All of you...over there..and get your hands up"
********************* Next Week: Episode 6. ************************
Galactic Credits:
----------------
Story by: DJY
Special Effects: DJY
Spock's Ears: Sort of pointy
Transporter Powered By: Duracell batteries
VAX Computer System kindly run by: Those Great Computer Centre Peeps
Impostor Uhura Supplied By: Zorko's Dwarf Emporium
Tune in again..same time..same channel...next week...for another thrilling
episode....
SPECIAL OFFER: Get your own Tricorder, just like Mr. Spock's, for only
2 pounds 99p, from:
Starship Enterprises,
Mr.Spock's *Official* Tricorder Offer,
PO Box 42,
Pythagoras Street,
Planet Vulcan.
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