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Vax Trek VII, the movie, The Interesting Bit 7
Filename: p.048
Category: Star Trek (tm) parodies
Title(s): VAX Trek VII, The Movie
The Interesting Bit: Episode 7
Author(s): David J. Young
Newsgroup: (email)
Poster: David J. Young
Date posted: 1989 05 22
First date published: 1989 ?? ??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Star Trek VII, The Movie: "The Interesting Bit"
----------------------------------------------
Episode 7
---------
[The two guards push Scotty and Sulu into the detention cell]
1st Guard: "Now you two behave yourself"
2nd Guard: "Yeah...no funny business"
[They switch on the invisible force barrier and walk off down the
corridor]
Scotty: "WHAT are we going to do now?!!"
Sulu: "I dunno...we've got big probs....If we don't get out of here
soon then we'll have no chance of stopping it all happening
again....and I don't fancy another trip through that black hole."
Spock: [who has just appeared in the corridor] "Your worries are over
gentlemen"
Scotty: "Spock!..how did you get off the bridge?"
Spock: "I was inside the computer cabinet remember?..Well I heard all
the commotion on the bridge...so I crawled through one of the
ventilation ducts...which came out just along the corridor there....
Incidentally, that duct is alive with tribbles...I thought we had
eradicated them?"
Scotty: "Aye....I thought I had beamed the whole kit and kaboodle over
on to that Klingon starship.....but obviously some must have got
away.........Anyway...can you get us out of here?"
Spock: "Well it's a bit tricky...the force field will only come down
if I enter the correct combination on the keypad.....Alternatively I
could take a more brute force approach..." [producing a soldering
iron, he proceeds to remove the force field control panel and re-wire
its innards in a reasonably destructive manner..]
Sulu: "Hurry Mr.Spock...I don't think we have much time..."
Spock: "Almost there.......almost there...just one more b"
[At that moment Spock suddenly dematerialises, with a bemused look on
his face]
Sulu: "Damn!....we're going to be too late!.....and the force field is
still up..."
[Scotty charges at the force barrier.....and BOINNNNNGGGG!..bounces
off and hits the far wall of the cell...]
Scotty: [Looking a bit dazed] "....it's no use...well never get ou..."
[At that moment there is a huge explosion from the force field control
panel which showers bits of invisible force barrier all over the cell
and adjoining corridor...]
Sulu: [spitting out fragments of force field] "wow!...I've never seen
an invisible force barrier explode like THAT!...."
Scotty: "Pretty impressive I must say....and eminently conceptual.."
Sulu: "Anyway..let's go!....I want to stop off at my cabin round the
corner first though..."
Scotty: "Eh? .."
[Sulu dashes into his cabin and emerges holding a bottle of vegetable
oil and a fencing sword...]
Scotty: "Ah!...I see...."
[As they charge down the corridor Sulu discards his jersey and empties
the contents of the bottle over himself......Two guards coming round
the corner are so startled that the starfleet insignia drop off their
jerseys in sheer surprise....and by mere reflex action their phasers
are flicked to 'kill' and two lethal bolts are unleashed after the
rapidly departing Sulu and Scotty...]
Scotty: "..In the name o' the wee man!...that was CLOSE!"
Sulu: "Too right!...keep running!"
Scotty: "Wait a minute..!!...we passed that same corridor just a
minute ago!..We must be going round in circles..."
Sulu: "...Don't worry....I think it has something to do with the
budget for the film set..."
Scotty: "Ah!..ok..."
Sulu: "There's the turbolift door up ahead!.."
[They jump into the lift...]
Scotty: "Bridge"
Lift: "Bridge what?"
Scotty: "Please!"
Lift: "That's better....Now a few manners don't hurt do they?"
Scotty: "Grrr...I wish these lifts came under my jurisdiction in the
Engineering section...I'd soon FIX them..."
Lift: "I heard that..."
Sulu: "Are we at the Bridge level yet?"
Lift: "Yes...You can get off now...and good riddance.."
[The turbolift doors open and Scotty and Sulu step on to the Bridge]
"SURPRISE!!!!!!": shouts everyone on the Bridge.
Jim: [..wearing a party hat, steps forward and hands a present to Sulu
and Scotty..] "Happy birthday!.."
Scotty: "Why, you rotten..." [the grim look on his face slowly turning into
a smile..]
Jim: "Sorry about all the hassle we put you both through...but the only
way we could keep you off the bridge while we prepared everything was to
lock you up..."
Sulu: "What about those aliens?...and how did you know Scotty and I had the
same birthday?"
Jim: "questions questions!!....come and enjoy the party...it IS for you
after all....here, have a sausage roll....but PLEASE..put that sword away
first!"
[They all laugh jovially....and the party goes on into the night...which is
a bit of a strange thing to say considering the ship is in deep space where
day and night have no meaning...but I think you know what I mean..]
*****A NEW ADVENTURE STARTS SOON!!! *****
What were Scotty and Sulu's presents? What happened to the strange
globular aliens?...How did Jim know that Scotty and Sulu had the same
birthday?..DO they actually have the same birthday?..or was it just a
cheap attempt at a coherent ending to a floundering episode?
All these questions...and many more.. won't be answered in the next thrilling
installment....
******************************************************************************
Credits:
Storyline: David 'Dangerous' Young
Sandwiches designed by: Arthur Pewty
Fight Arranger: Ronald Reagan
Computer System Kindly Run By: Those Wonderful Comp.Centre Peeps.
And thanks especially to our wonderful
system security manager who has kindly
overlooked this particular breach.
Special Thanks to: The Ops,CCA244,CNBP01,CRAA15,CADU34,CLIP07
CBAR28, CAEP08 and many others for their
undying support for the author through his most
troubled times, and for chipping in to pay
for the psychiatric help.
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