Who Am I?

by Fuck

I have awaken. My surroundings seem unusually familliar, yet I do not visually recognize them at all. These mammals seem like quite the odd ones on this large organism. They do not believe it to be an organism, rather, their permanent home, the beginning and the end. Some believe it is a place of learning, evolving, inspiration.

I am one of these mammals, and while I may believe I think differently, the truth is that I am part of the same universal conciousness that resides within them. To deny this would be foolish... yet I am starting to question what the truth is these days. These are tough times. One thing is certain, however. They seek their origin. Why are they here? Who are they?

Who am I? The mind only stops expanding when others tell it to stop, or when it's controller stops it from using it's thoughts. They are spared and never put to use.

Of course they will laugh at me, for I laugh at them. It seems to be quite humorous when two people have differences, doesn't it?

They are bringing the physical lifestyle to an end. Their physical strength was useful for the first of them, but soon it will not be needed at all. Surely the organism they dwell upon will undergo great changes in the coming years. The question remains. Who am I? What am I supposed to do here, before I can return or be born into the great unknown? Is my life supposed to cause a small change, or am I to lead a New World Order? A little bit of wind created here can cause a hurricane in China. The question remains unanswered. Who am I? The more I ask myself this question the more afraid I become of finding out the truth. Why does this fear exist? I don't know. I don't know what the truth is anymore. The truth to me is what I think of as the truth. They can prove things by their laws, but can they prove everything? No, they can't, but it doesn't mean that those things don't exist.

I'm now walking along the beach. It's 5 O'clock in the evening. The waves are soft, and the sun is spraying a red burst of light for the clouds to bathe in. I'm speechless, really. Does the sun ever wonder why it is here? Do the stars question their origin? Does the moon ever wonder if it's existance will be meaningful? Laugh now, at the thoughts of such things actually being ALIVE. That something could possibly think like us IMMORTAL, SUPERIOR humans? Completely undeniably insane, right? What makes them sure of this is that they lack the ability to understand other organisms, therefore they can't be sure over which is the superior "race" of cells. They fail to see how the creatures around them communicate. Some may seem to communicate through vocal cords, distinct physical body language. Telepathically? It's up to the believer to believe.

This entire article is a joke to them. I need to get out of the house more often, I need to get "a life". What is life to you? What are you going to do that everyone else hasn't done? Are you going to make the same mistakes over and over, only to be reincarnated to learn the lessons you failed in the previous lifetime? Or will you block out any beliefs besides that of the common belief. Will you follow a religion, or create your own? Will you be a leader or a follower? Who are you?

Yes, these mammals possess the ability to wonder, to question, to think... but their third eye is closed, their aura's light is becoming dull. They have closed their eyes to everything except their physical surroundings, and if they do not follow the rest of their kind, they are an outcast. Embarassment greets them, fear controls them. Fear of being embarassed, fear of living how they want to. It's too hard to make a big change. Should we wait for fate to intervene...or are we the controllers of fate? Many wars and murders over the years have sent their evolution backwards. No longer is it normal to think beyond the physical surroundings, if it ever even was considered normal.

This organism called earth is good or bad depending on the perciever's perception. To keep an open mind is to discover many many truths. Knowledge is power but power is only destructive to those who let their will go against the right choice. Then again, what is the right choice? The arguments never stop over who is right or wrong. I am guilty of these things as well as them. Guilt is only what we make it though. Problems for us are only problems if we let them be. Self-suggestion and perception are very powerful things. What makes science slow down... what makes it stop from changing us for the better?

These things have to happen, that's why. The more and more I think about it, the more and more this DOES feel like a learning ground. It is a temporary home and not eternal. We know this. Some of us are so afraid that we're going to be burned by physical fire in the astral realm. We let this fear control our lifestyles. Others told us of this things, and those people have destroyed us already.

Who am I to speak of these things? I am no different from them. I'm just another person inside a mammal's body, playing the role of a cell on this organism. While I am here I cannot help but question it. It's like a plague in my mind, but it doesn't seem like a bad one. For me anyways. They need no further attention, so I must not speak of them anymore.

I now stare at the sun despite the pain it inflicts upon my eyes. I have been on this beach for more than 5 hours now, just walking, thinking, wondering. Did I ever love? Yes, I believe I did, though someone else may not because of my age, or other differences that I have. To them, if I haven't experienced what they had, then I hadn't experienced anything. Some have come up with the conclusion that we are here to learn to love. This is the most universally accepted theory (though that doesn't matter to me) I have come across. It is a theory because it cannot be proven to those unwilling to believe. The meaning of life or any universal truths cannot be proved because they are simply not of the physical world, and proof, to most of us, is just that. Science may see the day where a great revolution takes place and we think differently. Until then, you'll have to believe what you want to believe. As for me, the things I've experienced convince me that there is more than what I see. I can't help but strive to discover these things while in the physical plane. I guess it's a combination of the human will to survive against all odds and the questioning of origin....In my case these two things seem a little extreme though. I am certain I have experienced love to some degree, but to learn to truly unconditionally love... would that mean I would never have to come back here? When will I stop repeating the same thoughts, and writing about the same subjects? I try to silence these things around my peers for they don't understand me, because I cannot express my thoughts in words. That's the easiest way to say it.

The question remains, who am I? Psychologically, what is good and bad about me? I have lost much interest in my physical life. I have lost much interest in keeping up with my peers. I'm not trying to be like this, I can't help it, and it pushes me away from them. I live subconciously, because I don't even need to think anymore. Though something strange is going on, I can't put my finger on it. This creates this long endless repetitive piece of writing that you are reading now. It makes no sense to you, because it is an attempt to put all my thoughts into words, which is seemingly IMPOSSIBLE. So what do you have in the end? Food for thought. Maybe I will inspire one to question their surroundings? I know we can be better than what we are, but I simply do not know how to do it. I'm stuck in a state of wanting, but not recieving. and I shall continue to be like this until my death, because I have been like this since I can remember. This means something, but I don't know what. I seek the truth but It's so hard in this world full of contradiction.

I continue staring at the sun. I will keep staring at it until I discover who I am. I will discover the lessons I must learn and I will learn them. I will advance beyond this level, and seek the truth. There is truth out there. We all know it. Our brain blocks out our memory, and this is why we don't know who we are. When I have discovered the truth to who I am, the sun will burn through me. It will transform my skin into a hot red glow, until this mammal body I'm in disintegrates into dust. Then I will be in my home, another temporary home, seeking the next level, the next step, the next goal, as with all things in life. The beach will wash my ashes away and will fill the earth with just a little more matter. It hasn't happened yet, but I seek the truth about who or what I am.

When I find the truth, I will be happy, until then, I am utterly bored, uninterested in my surroundings. I repeat myself until everyone is sick of hearing it, including myself. Subconciously I laugh, I cry, I become angry... but I feel like that is not me, I feel like I'm making myself do that while my mind dwells upon other things. The way the subconcious works is amazing. Such amazing computers, cells, organisms we are. Though we have no clue what we are. That question remains and it will until we piece together bits and pieces of the truth...

I am walking away from the imaginary beach. It feels as if there were a ghost there, trying to reach out to me, trying to tell me something. It almost did, but I gave up. I gave up and left, only to return to that state of thinking in the future. For my mind jumps from one thing to another, but ultimately it dwells upon that single puzzling question...

Who am I?