Divorce

[jackketch]

Originally Posted by Xiao Mei

You're old enough to know that A LOT of guys try to screw ex wives and children out of money once they've moved on to family #2. I don't know if this guy is one of them, but his wife needs to be prepared and to protect herself and her kids. I've known at least 2 couples where the husband fought tooth and nail to keep the wife from getting her due. Luckily, the courts almost always side with the woman in these instances.

Yes the men do, no question and its wrong.

BUT

A lot of the time there are reasons why the men feel justified in their refusal to pay. Still don't make it right of course.

I mean, you really sure she hasn't also been cheating him?

Of course the courts will decide for her in this case, 5 kids...no question.

Except if he's going to go for sole custody?

[oc6]

My advice would be:

Find a good attorney, but not the "go for blood" type. One that is fair and reasonable.

Always keep the children in mind. If he is a good daddy then never behave as if he's a piece of shit regardless of how she might have been hurt.

Keep the lines of communication with him open. She's going to be living with this situation for a lot of years and if she can avoid creating an enemy out of him then it will go a lot smoother in the future when it comes to the needs for their children. (Also, look into shared parenting if he's a good daddy.)

The alimony needs to be used to get an education so she can learn to support herself without it. Nothing more, I'm pretty certain that is what it is for.

And Xiao, you don't know all the details. Stay as neutral and supportive as possible.

If I can think of anything else, I'll update here.

[Xiao Mei]

Originally Posted by jackketch

Yes the men do, no question and its wrong.

BUT

A lot of the time there are reasons why the men feel justified in their refusal to pay. Still don't make it right of course.

I mean, you really sure she hasn't also been cheating him?

Of course the courts will decide for her in this case, 5 kids...no question.

Except if he's going to go for sole custody?

Of course she hasn't been cheating! And yes I'm sure all of the kids are his...I don't know what kind of people YOU associate with, but I don't know anyone who's that "Jerry Springer.":P

She doesn't think he'll contest her for custody.

[Xiao Mei]

Originally Posted by oc6

My advice would be:

Find a good attorney, but not the "go for blood" type. One that is fair and reasonable.

Always keep the children in mind. If he is a good daddy then never behave as if he's a piece of shit regardless of how she might have been hurt.

Keep the lines of communication with him open. She's going to be living with this situation for a lot of years and if she can avoid creating an enemy out of him then it will go a lot smoother in the future when it comes to the needs for their children. (Also, look into shared parenting if he's a good daddy.)

The alimony needs to be used to get an education so she can learn to support herself without it. Nothing more, I'm pretty certain that is what it is for.

And Xiao, you don't know all the details. Stay as neutral and supportive as possible.

If I can think of anything else, I'll update here.

I know...I do try to stay neutral and I have advised her to try and keep a clear head.

Unfortunately they seem to already be enemies.

[oc6]

Originally Posted by Xiao Mei

I know...I do try to stay neutral and I have advised her to try and keep a clear head.

Unfortunately they seem to already be enemies.

Ah...that's what we all say. :P

Given the right attitude that can change.

Also, I've known a few women who battled to get the house who ended up in bankruptcy court years later because they couldn't afford the payments. I'd be careful about that.

[jackketch]

Originally Posted by Xiao Mei

Of course she hasn't been cheating! And yes I'm sure all of the kids are his...I don't know what kind of people YOU associate with, but I don't know anyone who's that "Jerry Springer.":P

She doesn't think he'll contest her for custody.

AAARGGGHH! DOn't mention that name in my presence.

My sons have recently started watching that show for the lolz.

"Yes Dad , we know its faked but its sooo fuuuuunnny. Are americans really that lame?"

And you don't know she hasn't been sleeping around.

[Xiao Mei]

When would she have the time? Seriously, I have ONE 6 year old child and I sure as hell don't have time for more than one man. I mean having a husband is a full time occupation by itself and then you throw FIVE kids into the mix? Even if she wanted another boyfriend she'd be too tired to do anything with him!

And please tell your kids not to judge all of us based on Jerry Springer.:P

[jackketch]

Originally Posted by Xiao Mei

When would she have the time? Seriously, I have ONE 6 year old child and I sure as hell don't have time for more than one man. I mean having a husband is a full time occupation by itself and then you throw FIVE kids into the mix? Even if she wanted another boyfriend she'd be too tired to do anything with him!

And please tell your kids not to judge all of us based on Jerry Springer.:P

Uhm did I say anything about her having another man? :P

[Xiao Mei]

Touche.:P

[jackketch]

Originally Posted by Xiao Mei

And please tell your kids not to judge all of us based on Jerry Springer.:P

Unfortunately i tend to judge all americans (or rather all american women) by the 'outcast standard' , ie I expect them to be beautiful, intelligent, sexy and profound of thought.

Which means I live in constant disappointment.