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Okay, this is the first in a series of text files that we are writing about our excellent adventures while on various drugs. Some of the names may have been changed to protect the innocent, but probably not.

Well, since I'm (Don) typing this file, it'll all be from my point of view, I'm about 20 years old, and not much more than a bum I run Post World War III BBS and I play bass in a metal band Clete is about 20 years old also and he delivers pizzas for Round Table, and he talks a lot when he on drugs.

Well, we both have our respectable pipes, but what's really neat is our bongs. First we got The Cannon, which was purchased at Anna Purna's in Berkeley, it got its name because it kinda looks like an art deco cannon, that and its good at blowing you away, but the bong has had a lot of miles put on it and is about to be retired now. So we got a new bong, The Destroyer, aptly named also, this one has a huge chamber that just ruins you. And our best bong, The DeathStar, this is a bong made out of an old party ball, good party bong, once you fill up the chamber it'll last you all night.

Now, on with our first adventure. I'm actually going to put two adventures into one since the first one is small and somewhat insignificant.

We had this friend of ours at one point who had a pound of good humboldt green bud. We were over at his house for a party one night, and he drags all the people into the bathroom who smoke pot. He whips out this freezer bag just packed with buds.

Well, we had no choice but to pack a bowl or five and get high. There were about ten of us in this teeny little bathroom. When we got done we all pile out of the bathroom laughing and coughing just reeking of pot, the rest of the people at the party found this highly (no pun intended) amusing.

So Clete, Paul and I go out to the back yard and start going wild on the trampoline. Being as baked as we were, this was not an easy task. We kept running into each other and falling off the trampoline. Clete gave it up after about half an hour, while Paul and I went back smoked 2 more bowls and kept it up for another 2 hours.

By this time the party pretty much was dying, and the guy with the pound had passed out and let the bag on the bathroom counter.Well, spread the wealth as i alwaySo Paul and I liberated about an ounce between us, it was a good night.

About a week later Clete went to a dead concert and got more drugs than he knew what to do with, he came back with 6 hits of GreenPeace. About a week after the concert we decide to drop acid and smoke a lot of pot one night, and just go nuts. So he picks me up at my house and, of course, we instantly pack a bowl and get stoned, since i had about a 1/4oz. with me, we weren't too worried about conservation, we decided to stop by our friend John Yo's house that night to see if he cared to join us.

So we take off, smoke another bowl, and Clete decides we should go niche to drop acid. I agree and we crank up the music and find a spot. On the way there I start thinking about why were going to niche to drop. Well, I decide to ask him why were doing this, and since the music is up REALLY loud, i puff up a big breath and get ready to yell. Of course, just as I start yelling, Clete pops the tape out and turns the sound off cause he wants a new tape, and you thought that only happened at parties where your about penile warts or something.

So anyway, we go and drop our acid and decide we need to waste some more time before we go back to his house so that we can be sure his mom had gone to bed. So we go to the Danville Luckys to purchase some munchies. When we get to the store, i throw the pot into the glove compartment not wanting to take it into the store. We go in and buy chocolate milk and chiclets. As were leaving we notice two rollings sitting in the parking lot bullshitting, they left as we did. So we pull out of the place real nice and easy, not going to fast or anything. We make a left turn onto Sycamore, and the cruiser behind us flips on those menacing lights.

The cop comes up to the drivers side and tells Clete he has a headlight out (Which I think was broken while we were running over cones on 680 late one night). And of course the cop asks for registration and all that bullshit Clete opens the glove compartment, and boom, the pot falls out, right into the beam of light from the cops flashlight. Clete quickly dumps most of the stuff out of the glove box between my legs, which I then close. Were both scared to death now. The cop takes the stuff and goes back to the car to write a fix-it. While he gone I grab the pot and stick it under my seat cover, and pray. The cop comes back on MY side of the car, and start lecturing us on the headlight, all the while he had his light between my legs looking for something. Since he didn't find anything he figured he had to say something.

Hmm, heart attack city, so, we had to smoke more pot to calm down. Now the adrenaline rush got the acid straight to our head, so we decided wed better get home quick before we cant drive.

We get to cletes house and his mom is in bed an we are happy. Now, we spend next two hours doing nothing but smoking pot, watching TV and playing Crystal Quest on the Mac. Scary thing is we smoked enough pot to smog his living room, we found this out after I took a big ole choker hit and puked in the sink, not a lot, but a little, well, we look around and decide some fresh air is a good idea, so we pack a bowl and head out the back door. In back of Cletes house is this big field, we hopped the fence and started running around in the field shouting.

"I'm alive, I'm alive! Look at all the stars, they're all spinning in funky ways."

So we start walking around in this park, piss on a tree or two and hallucinate heavily, Clete keeps walking around, and I get bored and decide to go across the street to the elementary school that's there. We're tripping pretty hard by this time, so i was walking pretty slow, not sure if the ground will still be there on the next step. I walked around to the back of the school and find this really stoney playground, its make out of plastic and metal, and there are no sharp corners on it, and everything is pretty geometrical. It was a very precise looking playground, we played on this thing for quite a while. After that we found a way onto the roof. Which wasn't very easy, since you had to prop yourself between a wall and a brick pillar and try to walk your way up. It's hard to do when your sober, much worse on acid, I suspect it took us about 10 minutes to get up there. We found this little hole like thing and sat in it and looked at the stars. For me they started dancing, it was weird watching stars waltz.

We started getting cold so we went back to Cletes and decided we should drive somewhere. So we gather up the rest of the pot, pile in the Pot Mobile (Cletes '79 Blue Toyota Corolla) and start driving. Were flying down Tassahara Rd. and I decide that I want to drive. Ok, fine, but, I haven had a license for about a year, I'm on acid, I have almost 1/4 oz. of pot in my pocket, but I do it anyway. We head out Bollinger Canyon road (it looked nifty). We were flying along, doing about 50, and decide to smoke another bowl. So Clete packs it passes it to me, I start taking a hit as we come over this little hill, and I just happen to notice this opossum in the middle of the road! Clete screams I swerve and barely miss the damn thing. Ugh, what else could almost go wrong on this night?

Going along Bollinger Canyon and before we got to 580, we took a left turn somewhere, and got really fucking lost. We just kept driving and driving along this long twisty road having no idea where we were. It took us about an hour to get out of that one, ugh.

After that we decided we had enough travelling for the night, and rightfully so, and head back to his place.

That was pretty much the end of that adventure, not our greatest, but our first major one in a long string to follow.

Part 2 - Fry Fest

Okay, This story is about a little party we had called a Fry Fest. What usually happens at a fry fest is that we get a bunch of people together and drop acid. Now, dorpping acid by yourself, or with someone else is usually quite a hoot in its self, but when you get a sizable number of people together all frying really hard, its such a fucking scream, you wouldnt believe it.

This particular time, we were at Pauls house, his toads were gone for the week, so we saw this as an oportune time for this. There were 5 of us there we were going to have a sixth person, but it turned out to be his birthday so he couldnt come, poor guy. Me, Clete, Joe and Lee all dropped 2 hits spaced an hour apart, and Paul only took one hit. Now the guy we got it from said to be careful with this stuff, cuz it was really powerful, and damn was he right.

Shortly after we dropped the second hit, we got the total speed trip and decided to go on a walk. Up some big hill, not a bright idea, so we did that for a while till someone finally figured out just how stupid of an idea it was, and we went back to Pauls.

When we got to Pauls we were just starting to peak, I was off walking through the ivy in his front yard while everyone called me idiot, personally, i thought it was pretty trippy. At any rate we managed to make it to the top of the hill behind Pauls house, cause it wasent that big. There are eucalyptus trees up there and they had dropped all those funky looking berries. I think it was Joe who was the first to throw one, and i beleive he threw it at me. As soon as he did this, everyone caught a massive trail off his arm, which thus led into 2 hours of everyone thorwing thse things at each other and alternatly watching the clouds, the dialogue at this point was rather amusing.

This went on for quite a while. Eventually I went into the house to get a coke and never made it back outside. I ended up sitting against the door in the kitchen that led outside wondering waht happend to my 3-D perspective. I evidentally left it on the hill, bummer. I watched the cupboard doors swim and contort in small circles, while all the items in the cupboards danced. The cupboard doors had glass in the middle so this wasent a problem. The floor also reminded me of the ocean with big rolling waves.

After some amount of time, Clete and Paul came into the house looking for me and got lost in their own hallucinations. Clete was sitting on the couch looking at the wood ceiling and saying something about faces. Paul was lying down in the middle of hall doing nothing, I think he logged on POPnet a couple of times too, but im not sure. As for Lee and Joe, they were still on the hill watching the tree and climbing into their heads. They eventually made it back to the house, and i played them a song a composed on the Adlib. Well, this was quite trippy and blew everyone away.

After that i dont remeber a whole lot, the next hour or so was quite fuzzy I do remeber opening the fridge and watching the back of it fall away, and it didn't stop doing that all day.

At one point Clete walked into Pauls room and saw Joe sitting at the computer with something similar to this on the screen...

Broadcast Triptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptriptrip DU#@(UF+#$F9jef12y39eu)#@(ud02i#)DF@*$#Y09U@$#F 29Y$#F@)$#(HF)@8h0iU@)~#(E*&_#ER)@(&#)RF(U@#R

Which was pretty much the gist of it, then joe limped of to the bathroom and we didnt see him for another half an hour, meanwhile, Lee tears out the door. Why we dont know, but we found her walkin in circles in the fornt yard, she had yanked her sweatshirt off and tossed it on the ground, and she was being pretty incoherent, so Paul and I decided to calm her down, which lead to a very funny converstaion about green things and how they are good, we managed to somehow relate everything to green.

"Well, she's keeping it green, and that's good, so she must be good therefore she must be green"

Lee also claimed that the cement walkway tried to eat Pauls dog, kinda wish I could have seen that. As to what happend to Joe, i dont know, he just kinda spun of in a weird trip in the bathroom and forgot to leave.

After we all clamed down we decided we could use a walk and some fresh air. We left Pauls and started walking towards Acalanes since it was really close by. We walked through the nearly deserted halls, tripping off the echos. We walked around to the back of the school and Joe and Lee decided they had a lot of speed in their system they needed to work off, so they ran around the back field, they got about halfway across the field and decided they had had enough running now, and wanted to go back, but were to tired. Oddness.

We also managed to find one of those stupid filmstrips you used to love in the 5th grade, but this one was on child abuse, since all we had were the pictures and tape to go with it, and a good amount of LSD in our systems still, we made some intresting observations as to what the film was about, we came up with something like, you spank your kids and they send you and the children to the SPCA, but this didnt make any sense to we threw it away.

On the way down to Acalanes we passed this cal-trans orange truck that had some oxidation, I observed that it left a bad taste in my mouth. (those colors just do that) Joe acused me of tasting cars. Well, after about an hour we decided we had had enough of Acalanes and went back to Pauls to listen to some nifty music and mellow out.

Us walking along the street must have been intresting, 5 kids, all with shades on, at dusk, walking fast, and laughing. ah well.

So we get to Pauls and watch Dazzle again, but it wasent quite as fun as it was while we were peaking, wed watch the thing, and the patterns would extend beyond the screen, but this didnt happen the second time, so Joe and Clete started playing racing games, while Lee, Paul and I went to Pauls room and listend to music. We listend to Animals, by Pink Floyd, and hallucinated to in the dark, while were coming down, damn good album. After we got done listening to it, we put it away as naturlay we would, but in the back ground we heard some dogs barking, well, Lee and I figured they had escaped of the CD so we had to put the CD back in the player and get those dogs back in the music.

Damn neighbors and their dogs. So the we put in the wall, smoked some shake and felt nifty, when we got done with that, we decided to leave, since Pauls sister might come home soon, and we didnt want her to find 5 people frying there I dont think she would have understood. So we all piled in cars and headed to Lees aprtment, Paul did leave a not for his sister though, went something like this...

I wonder what his siter thought of that. On the way to lees we stopped by Safeway and picked up tons of food, a 12-pack of coke, a chocolate cream pie a fat box of milkduds (which just about killed us, those things are a bitch to chew) and a bunch of chips and things. We ate it all in about 20 minutes, kinda frightening. Watching really great cartoons and laughing, that was about the end of that trip.

The whole time, we bitched and moaned about not having pot, and not being able to get any, we also had the problem of wondering where the sixth person was, which, of course, was right behind you.

All in all it was a succesful Fry Fest. Fry Fest II didnt go over so well as I heard, i had something else to do and couldnt make it, but Fry Fest III is soon, and that should be the most fun, Ill write about that as soon as it happens.

Part 3 - Redondo Beach

Okay Boys and Girls, its that time again, time for another one of Clete'N'Dons adventures (Bill'N'Ted, eat your heart out). This time we went to Redondo Beach, some people have heard me tell this story many times, but I'll relive forever in this electronic memoir. But first before i get started, I have some updating to do, its been a while and some things have changed for Clete and myself.

Okay, I (Don) have gotten a job, okay, you can all stop saying Bullshit and whatnot now. Yes, I am employed, I currently work for a small press called AE Printing, I run a press and stuff, but we have the best small press prices youll ever find, so if you have any need for a small press, contact me, Ill hook you up with one of the owners, I am also going to school again (shit, he got a fucking life), yeah yeah, right I got to DVC, big whoop. As for Clete, he moved out of his moms place and moved in with his dad in San Carlos (just south of San Francisco) I still live in Pleasant Hill (East of Oakland near Walnut Creek), which as you can undersatnd makes things a little awkward since i still dont drive, so Clete moved in with his dad and was supposed to get a job with Apple being a beta-tester, but they flaked, so now i think hes applying to NCR to be a beta-tester or some such bullshit, what it boils down to is that hes being what i was, and getting away with it much better than I did. His dads house is pretty plus, has a very nice stereo system, but not as awesome as mine (heh heh heh, I have Klipsch speakers, his dads only has Infinitys, I get MUCH better bass out of mine). Its a pretty Yuppie place but they have this deck that is so out of hand, I'll go into that in another adventure. Now, on with this one

This was a most heinous night in the history of Clete & Don, for on this We were not aware of the journey that awaited us, it was most cool.

It all started out in Martinez at Joe's house, he still had 2 doses left over from Fry Fest I, so we got them and dropped them instantly, we then went on out to his sisters house in Brentwood, where we hung out played some horseshoes (dont ask me, they are your typical suburban fruitcakes, but they are cool people none the less), and drank a couple beers, we could feel the acid starting to kick in and we decided it was time to leave, they kept asking us to stay for dinner, but there was no way we could do that especially when his sister had some lady over that was one of her superiors at wherever it is that she works, so that would not have been good, so we got out fo there with the quickness. I think we may have gotten some pot from her, but im not sure, i know we had some dirty 30 left, so we weren't in total dire straights. So after we bail out there we keep on heading towards Sacramento on highway 4, somewhere out there in Butt Fuck Egypt we got lost and depressed, everything was so dead, and lifeless. Therefore we had the bright idea to go the beach. About two weeks earlier, some of us, Joe, Jenn Rob, Me, Clete, Rich went to this beach in halfmoon bay, had a bonfire, slept there and stuff, with no hassle, so we decided to go back since that would be mucho trippy, so we go along some road that connects Brentwood and Liverbore and get on 580 and start heading west. We get to the San Mateo bridge, had some problmes handing the guy the one, but managed it. We then cranked up Boston (Playing Foreplay) and smoked a bowl while going about 90 right at sunset, I tell you, it was a really wonderful expirence, if you ever get the chance, make sure you try that, its great.

So, we manage to get to Half Moon Bay and stop in a 7-11, we need big gulps, moral impreative. But, there was so many people in there, i mean the place was packed, and they were all STARING at me! I swear they were, thats why i left clete to deal with it, i couldnt hang, i was getting freaked, so we get done with that little episode, and head on out to REDONDO BEACH (lotsa reverb here). We get there, and start going down the cliff, no, this cliff isnt too bad, not very steep, buts its pretty dangerous in the dark, and of course, we didnt use a flashlight, so after almost getting ourselves killed we get to the beach, about 200 yards away from where we were, some kids were having a bonfire, cool we thought, we can hang with this. So we go down the beach a ways from them and start hallucinating. But i just happen to notice these odd lights just offshore, seem to be coming our way, looks kinda like a boat, but im not really sure. I look down the beach about 300 yeards and theres this big light sweeping donw the beach, I instantly hit the dirt, Clete was a couple feet in front of me with his back to the ocean looking at me, wondering what the hell i was doing, he doesnt see the light sweeping the beach. Im yeliing at him, theres a spotlight, get down ect. and he notices it at the last second, right as it sweeps over us he drops. I figure they saw us since the beam stopped right where we were and looked like it was being focused on us, so Clete was shitting bricks, thinking they are going to land and arrest us and hes looking for the pot so he can ditch it if nessecary, and hes just havin a cow, and i was just laying there laughing my head off, hes freaking out, were on this beach in the middle of the night, were on a lot fo drugs, and they have a big spotlight on us and i have a head full of acid, it was too much, so of course i did the only things i could do, laugh, it was pretty hairy though. Anyways the light finally goes away and we feel a little better, but not much since clete thinks he lost the pot, so we spend the next 5 or 10 minutes looking for it with no luck. but while were looking, we hear a helicopter and its getting closer and louder, just to be safe we move back up the beach a bit and were sitting there on some rocks, and it starts getting really loud then, we see it, this hbuge Huey not more than 200 feet off the ground with on of those HUGE spotlights you see in movies sweeping the beach, so of course we start screaming and shitting bricks. The light passes by us not more than 10 feet from out feet, I was trying to crawl out of my skin, and i was so damn scared, i thought i was going to die, i could see the beam, it seemed to move in 10 foot chunks, almost animated. Well, the chopper went away and we just sat there on some rocks with our brains scrambled, our pulses doubled and totally scared, we had given up the pot as a loss, and decided to smoke the rest of the bowl we had with us (we had some in the bowl and the chamber, so we werent totally SOL), i reasoned that they were just trying to scare us and wouldnt come back, so we should smoke a bowl to calm down and start hallucianting like we should be. So we smoked a bowl and started tripping again and basically calmed down, which was nice, but after about 15 minutes, the fucking chopper came back, it was a little farther out the beach, but there it was, and ya know, it scared us just as much the second time, after it left again i noticed that patrol boat was sweeping up the beach again, it was unanimously decided that this was a good time to get the hell out, we were pushing our luck.

So we made a mad dash up that hill and into the car, about halfway up the hill we ran onto some problems, we were hallucinating lights all over the place we were afraid the parking lot was crawling with cops, so it took us about 15 minutes to get up that last stretch, of course there were no cops up there so we sat in the car and stuck in the second disk of The Wall, we had listend to the first disk sitting there in the parking lot before we went down. after we got in the car we left, with much haste, and headed back north on highway 1, about half a mile down the road, Clete found the pot!

(HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY) He had put it in a pocket he forgot to check while we were at the beach, so we tootled on up 1 through Pacifica and into SF and kept on going across the Golden Gate, got onto 101, went to the Richmond bridge, went across, got on 80, took 80 on up to 24 and headed back out to Cletes moms house, and pretty much sat there for the rest of the night going shiiiit, what a trip, we were all over 3 countys, it was brutal, so that about wraps that one up.

Clete & Don's Excellent Adventure

by Clete & Don

Part 2 - Fry Fest

Part 3 - Redondo Beach